Tonight's Staff Meeting. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

Ya know, say that phrase enough times, it sounds like it’s a circle jerk.

“Well, it’s nice all of the staff could rise to the occasion.”

Actually, I picked up the phrase from Instagram to mean: when you’re having a conversation with yourself.

Given the nature of my cyclic thoughts, those pretend conversations with people that meander into inanity, I have staff meetings rather regularly.

And this one is a doozy.

I was thinking of how to explain just what a sentimental sap I am. What’s a symbol of just what a sap I am? The Rock of Carolyn™.

The story isn’t fancy. She’s the same high school friend I may have written about years ago on OD, though I may have coded her. We had AP Physics and calculus together. And became friends. She had a human behavior class. She was tasked with bringing in a rock.

It was after school in the back parking lot. Her assignment complete, she handed me a small rock with zero fanfare. “Here’s a rock” and that was that.

I put it in my van’s cupholder.

Where it sat from 2001 to 2008. At least in those cupholders, I could always see it. I kept a relatively clean van, but otherwise never for once thought of parting with that rock.

When I got Clarissa Clutch in 2008, naturally I transferred the rock into one of her cupholders.

So.

I’m a sap - > example of being a sap is a rock - > what could be the most ridiculous thing given to me that I might keep?

Naturally I thought: I used tampon.

Then I paused.

Would I really keep a used tampon?

That’s kinda gross.

Then I asked myself: What would Timmy do?

.....

OH YEAH, WE’RE GOING THERE.

Let’s suppose you took a freshly PHOMPED tampon, placed it in a plastic bag, took out as much air as possible, and sealed it.

Then years later, right as you’re going through menopause. Out of nowhere. I wipe out that tampon (still sealed, never to be opened), and said something like, “BETCHA GLAD, YOU WON’T SEE THIS ANYMORE.”

Just to get the stupified, “YOU FUCKING KEPT THAT? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU” reaction.

Which then gives way to a simple fact: earning your red wings is kosher. A used tampon is automatically dirty.

Then I thought of a bodily fluid more commonly consumed: Men of the Sea. (Look, that’s what the staff meeting called it, SO GO WITH IT.)

So, consumed straight on tap, consumption of Men of the Sea is relatively safe. And really just comes down to personal preference, and the diet of the dude involved. (You are what you eat, including your Men of the Sea. Less meat/dairy, more fruits, etc.)

Now, let’s suppose I had a small cup - no. Let’s suppose there’s a little baggie with Men of the Sea from ten years ago. Maybe even it has been preserved in a freezer.

Somewhere between straight from the tap and ten years from now, is a point at which you would not consume Men of the Sea.

Where is that point? If ejaculation occurs on a warm plate, definitely you could lick it up after a few seconds. Maybe even a few minutes. At what point does Men of the Sea become a biohazard akin to a bloody tampon?

In other words: what is the hold time and/or expiration date of semen that is safe and palatable for human consumption?

Which also implies:

∴ semen has a hold time for consumption

Yes, my staff meeting went from “I’m sentimental” to “So, how long would you wait before you wouldn’t lick up semen?”

THANKS FOR ATTENDING MY STAFF MEETING.

Edit: only got to the beginning point and endpoint, but workcrush said she’d consume ten year old cum, if it were properly preserved. I LOVE HOW INSANE SHE IS.

Last updated March 12, 2023