Mental exhaustion secondary to back pain... in Age 35

So the hubs came back from Spain, a trip I am rather grateful I did not go to. He got very sick with just a cold. Then this morning I witnessed something in him I had never seen. He was bent over tying his shoe and then I heard him holler. His back had given out. Now you’ve seen this on sitcoms all the time. The classic scene of the dad or main male protagonist injuring their back and then hilarity ensues. This was not that. He was in deep, real pain. You can’t fake that gasp or that look on your face. He was on the floor for 2 hours. He had to call out of work. After calling out of work I went to check up on him; he was still on the floor unable to really move. I found him with frustrated tears in his eyes. My stoic, usually composed, rock of a man was crying.

I have only seen this man with tears in his eyes 3 times. At the birth of our children (2), and after a very nasty fight with his dad almost 2 decades ago. Now keeping in mind that I had just played single parent for a week while he was gone in Spain, and that he came back with a cold, now his back was out…I’ve extended my role as a single parent for a few more days.

I am very done.

More context. I am an RN. I care for others, and I don’t want to toot my own horn, but I do my job with the upmost dignity for the patient and professionalism. Being a caregiver as a career and then also having to be one at home is very taxing. Today it just got the better of me. I feel like I don’t have all that much left to give. I wanna shrink away, or go into a drug induced vacation. Preferably something without a hangover or addiction....the ganja I guess.

I am mentally and emotionally drained. I don’t take it out on anyone which is why I write here. This is my space. This is my go to when I need to get out emotions, thoughts, or incidents that just happened. I love my family, I do, but right now I need to love myself or have someone give me that and I don’t. It kinda just feels like everyone wants/needs a bit of me and they are taking away from me without giving back. I feel like I need to shut my mind off and reboot. If there is such a thing as zen or nirvana I need to reach it without reincarnation.