-Joy in Current Events

Did you know that if you reduce your coffee intake to zero you will lose the little bit of joy left in this world? It’s been 35 days since I last had a cup of coffee and I am not experiencing the benefits that everybody promotes. I do not sleep better, I sleep worse. Sleep was the one thing I was able to get right and now I can’t fall asleep and/or stay asleep. My bladder is too active but only at night. My dreams are still vivid as fuck, which I don’t mind. My sleep pattern has been fucked up. I sleep in until 8 or 9 instead of 5 or 6 because I’m up at ungodly hours. When I initially quit coffee I was waking up at 2 or 3 and not falling back asleep.

You will be happier they said. My seasonal depression has been kicking my ass. Speaking of my ass, I gained weight. That is a positive for me but I suspect that the weight gain is water retention because I started taking creatine. Anxiety is the mood disorder they claim will be more manageable and yes, there has been a positive difference with my anxiety.

Fewer headaches is another benefit of quitting coffee. Aside from the cold I had, I haven’t experienced any headaches. However, I’ve never been a I got a headache kind of guy. The benefits I wanted will be harder to recognize. Better digestion, better absorption of nutrients, better hormone health, etc. This is weird, but a noticed my voice dropped a little bit but that could be anything lol.

Ok, better digestion is easier to recognize. My BM’s have not been the same. My roommate has been cooking with beans and green lentils and I’ve had no problems after eating those. I’m still experiencing some bloating but not as much. That could be the creatine. I ate something I knew better than to eat a few weeks ago and I just got back to normal. Those mock burgers that will simulate blood are not good for me. The beyond meats, the impossible burgers, etc. They’re not good for anyone but I don’t want to get into what it does to me.

I can’t blame the absence of coffee for everything. I am addicted to my phone again. I will scroll through my newsfeeds until my eyes bleed and that is what is keeping me up. This is happening because I am trying to quit watching porn. Instead of watching the one porn clip before bed, I get caught up in my socials. I can work on that. The obvious solution is to just read before bed. I’ll give that a try tonight. I can go days, almost a week, before I relapse and watch porn. I don’t even end up on porn sites. I fall for thirst traps and then hunt down leaked content from their OnlyFans. I quit cigarettes, coffee, alcohol, eggs, meat, dairy, and a litany of toxic habits and people but this has been the bane of my existence. I will win!

Instead of coffee in the morning I will have a smoothie bowl. It’s just a little bit of fruit and nut milk. I add protein powder, creatine, ashwagandha root powder and lion’s mane. Then I pour my homemade granola and various nuts and seeds because I don’t want to feel like I am eating baby food. The ashwagandha is an adaptogen. The only time I notice any difference is when I get out of the tub after a detox bath. I soak in Epsom salt and baking soda for 20 minutes in water as hot as I can take it. I sweat profusely and when I get up I used to feel very dizzy and see white spots and now I don’t. It will be hard to measure the effects of lion’s mane. It’s the brain health I’m after.

My mood disorders are mental, I wasn’t born pharmaceutical deficient. They’re a lot more manageable than when I was a kid or young adult. I’m seasoned. They’re not always that heavy but it’s the result of my fighting with myself. My anxiety is high right now because I have class today and I am worried that my studying didn’t pay off. I’m also about to do all of the practice questions without relying on answer sheets and I’m nervous. I am seeing a math tutor this afternoon so I don’t have to be that worried. She was my previous teacher from the math class I just passed. She will make everything make sense.

I got inspired to swim for my cardio last night. Then I remembered that I have bleached hair. Frig. I can’t afford a gym with my shitty hours, unfortunately. I could probably make it work. I did not pick up any shifts last week but I know I won’t have to be crazy concerned with the smaller checks. I got this! I picked up a shift this week and we are not that far away from the store going back to its regular staffing. I also have this side hustle I want to work on. Instead of finding a side hustle, I can afford to take a risk and create one.

Anyway, I’m going to go have a detox bath and then head over to see the math tutor.

Last updated February 22, 2023