Of Being Disconnected in My Musings

I remember a few weeks ago when I was speaking to Jen (hello if you’re reading this 😆) about this particular feeling of unease. It’s not new to me, as I had similar encounters in the past. That time was a bit different, however. It felt nagging, annoying even. Then I realized: existential dread came knocking on my door again, albeit hitting harder than last time (not a Greg Doucette reference, but I do like his content).

I’d like to think we all have our moments when we question our reason for living, and what our greater purpose could be. Maybe it’s the prolonged exposure to the rat race, the fleeting relationships, or just being plain discontented of anything and everything. As I look back from what transpired a few weeks ago, it’s certainly a combination of all these, and more. The big 40 is coming in a few years’ time, and I feel I have yet to accomplish anything. There’s certainly frustration since what I was taught about hard work and success didn’t seem to be bearing fruit, and it does get tiring after a while. I’m not gonna lie when I say there are moments wherein I’d just like to give it all up and dive straight into the water, close my eyes, and let that feeling of comfort take over.

In my further introspection and conversing with Jen, the subject of volunteering was thrown into the discussion. What I like about volunteering (or the the idea of it, at least), was devoting one’s self into a particular cause, without the pretense - just putting one’s self into the other’s shoes and doing good to others. I totally agree - after all, loving one’s neighbor’s as one’s self is one of the greatest commandments. Putting that into perspective, maybe it’s about time I put myself out there.

Needless to say, I certainly felt a lot more at ease after.