Good Grief in Current Events

Yesterday, I had a pretty decent day at work. I don’t usually have bad days but yesterday was fun. I was paired with Adam, he and I have the biggest personalities on the team and we were matching each others energy the whole shift. We all had fun.

The dynamic without Mike has changed for the better. Everyone is coming out of their shells, relationships between us are getting stronger, work has been a lot of fun. If he was around while we were doing this weeks massive projects we would’ve been walking on eggshells.

He is an abusive asshole, a predator, and the company decided to keep him and then start gatekeeping me from full-time opportunities because I backed them into a corner when I reminded them of what their duty was when people reported his behaviour. He retaliated against me, the company retaliated against me, he quit anyway.

This all weighs on my mind still, I’m not over it and I wish that I was. I didn’t want to be this attached to this place. I’ll approach the right people eventually. It’s like, whenever it starts to weigh me down everything in my life starts to feel heavy. It’s annoying. Like, it’s 5 am, I don’t work today and now this is starting my day off on the wrong foot.

Another thing, I was hired as a term to cover someone on maternity leave who is now returning on the 6th. (I accepted a permanent position that had since opened up). Everybody has a strong opinion about her. People who don’t run their mouths on my team are running their mouths. Everybody is giving me all the T. She is a piece of work. Sounds like she is somebody with a personality disorder. A real cluster b. She was doing alcohol and drugs while pregnant. She was sleeping with everything to get pregnant. Whatever, I’m only bothered because the timing is awful. Us part-timers are already losing hours fast we don’t have room for her.

Anyway, I have my class tonight and I feel nervous. Like, I have actual anxiety about it. Last class was brutal! I signed up for physics, I thought I would be up for the challenge and now I feel like I want to drop it. I won’t, I have nothing to lose. I’m going to spend most of my day studying and practicing. I missed one class and I don’t think it set me back that much. I’m just slow because it’s math heavy. Everyone else is fresh out of high school and just on it, so it seems. I’m old and out of touch. Can I even say that? I just passed a math course.

I’m back to feeling the academic pressure 24/7 again which I hate. Can’t enjoy anything without feeling the dread of “I need to study! I need to do that assignment.”

Toni, my roommate, her Virgo moon is showing. I mean she is still internally restless but she stopped self-medicating with weed. I hadn’t noticed until she told me. The aspect of her Virgo moon that is showing is that she is cleaning and organizing a little bit. I had noticed that she has been cleaning up after herself more. I was cooking yesterday and noticed that she organized and straightened everything out in some of the cupboards and shelves. I had been dragging it out but yesterday I reorganized the whole kitchen. I didn’t override anything she did, that would have been rude. ( I have a Scorpio moon, it’s in the sixth house… yes I make everything astrology but it’s in my nature, as per my chart lol)

I want to enjoy my day. I don’t want to be feeling salty and anxious. I was ambitious yesterday for today and now it’s dreadful and it’s only 5 am. I slept in, believe it or not. Once Toni leaves and I get my day started I will feel better. Speaking of which, I’m still her alarm clock. If I don’t get up and go to the kitchen for something she will be late for work lol

I just want to soak in the tub, then hit the books. I want to start working on my summary cards, to ensure that I understand the principles of what we are learning. Then I have to practice some algebra. I will reach out to the math tutor if it’s hard. She is the math teacher I just had so it would be nice to see her again.

Anyway, blah. I have six days off from work and then after today 6 days off from class. He is giving us our first hand-in assignment today. Next Monday is a holiday so there will be no class. Whatever. I am going to feel so relieved after my class today. The days off are going to be such a nice refresher.