Good morning good morning in Rambling sane thoughts of the terminally me

Man, I am tired. Caffeine withdrawal is biting back like you would not believe. Still the weather is high and beautiful so you've got to keep smiling, right?

So the main, news and the reason for this entry is that I got the interview for the promotion. Go me!

So this will be on friday and if successful I'll be taking over the training and development officer role for the site. It'll be an interesting switch from running the actual training to a more administrative and organisational role. It will, however, mean leaving the Apple campaign for a while. I'm quite sad at this, I love my current role; the pleasure I get out of training; the people I get to interact with on a daily basis; my friends and co-workers. I do, however, have to look to my career at the moment and where I want to be a year from now.

See the job role won't just provide me with a better resume - oh no, did you think that was the sum total of my plan? Bwahahaha. Nah, getting me off the apple campaign has a fringe benefit. Apple won't hire trainers from their vendor pool but by taking on this role I can step out of this demographic. If I can do an excellent job there then perhaps I can apply to apple directly for one of their trainer positions. Hopefully have enough contacts by now.

It's not a guarantee but what in life is? Sometimes you just have to give it your best and hope it doesn't blow up in your face.

This may all be a little presumptuous of me. I still haven't had the interview yet and there's some other decent trainers going for the job. I feel ok about this though. It feels like the positive changes in my life are happening for a reason and if I can keep pushing I can actually affect the outcome. That's a feeling of strength I haven't had in my life in a long time but look at what I've managed to do so far in a year.

1) Got back into dating. Ok this one didn't end quite as well as you'd imagine but it taught me valuable lessons. Be more emotionally available? Check.

2) Trained in Europe. Twice. That was totally bad-ass. I got to walk around Stockholm, see museums, palaces and the company footed the bill. Eventually.

3) Passed my driving test. First time! Still annoyed I got a minor though. My brain tells me I should be perfect but I'm trying to ignore these unrealistic expectations of myself and simply go for being better.

4) Got a car. I love my car. I love driving. I feel free when I drive. Also, I don't drink and drive which made it easier to do

5) Quit drinking. As I've said in a previous entry that's officially finishing on the 8th of july but I'm feeling confident about extending it till my birthday at the moment. In addition this diet is working out well. I decided this time that the object was not to get thin, but to get healthy. I don't know how much I weigh and I'm not trying to find out (despite temptation). The goal is to see how much better I can feel. Certainly feeling the health benefits and the money from not drinking is what allowing me to do

6) Bought myself things I wanted. I've felt very tied to my obligations my entire life. What people wanted from me rather then what I've wanted for myself. These small gestures to reward myself are making me feel like there's a point to my actions. There may be no global reward for acting in a positive manner but I can create my own rewards for me.

7) Got the interview. We've already discussed this one.

8) Moving on up. Looking for a new flat come september. I want somewhere that feels professional. Preferably with off-road parking.

9) Probably the most important of all. Got my Joie de vivre back. It's just felt like I've been holding on by my teeth for the longest time, which is the sure fire way to wreck you teeth. I think my best friend Leon said it when I went home last "For so many times when you've been visiting, you haven't been my best friend, Adam. You've been this morose fucker who looks like him. And we still love you anyways but this time, it's awesome to have my best friend back". He's right. I feel more like me. I'm taking more pleasure in the things I do. I'm writing in this journal a lot more and I keep having plans. I feel free to have plans and ideas. You don't realise how much things are holding you down until the day they're not and you feel proud to look in a mirror again. If I can keep this feeling going every day I think I'll be good.

Gosh darn that was inspiring. Ha! Ramblerambleramble kiddies.