Monthly Update in Thirty-Eight

Which is actually quite funny because I just finished my monthly. Ugh I hate my body but at least I know things are still working and they are regular for once. We just gotta time it all right so something can come from that. All in due time ..

I hope you all are having a decent February. Mine is going ok for the most part. We’re still drowning, as is the case most months. But we were able to get all the pets food sorted out, and we only missed paying one bill this month. So yeah. And if the electricity gets shut off, well at least we’ll still be warm because the gas bill was paid. 🤷🏻‍♀️ One of those type of things.

Anywho, we won’t have anything exciting to eat for the Superbowl but that’s ok. We have a few things we can make. Appetizers and whatnot. So that should be ok.

I was kind of sad that we won’t get to have anything special for Valentine’s Day either but I found some pork chops in my freezer that I will be brining so we can grill those up. We also have some carrots and cauliflower I can make as a side.

Our food money doesn’t come until the 17th of the month so we have very little in our fridge and freezer at the moment. Blah. I wish we got half on the 1st and the rest on the 17th. But no it all comes on the 17th.

Anywhoozle, what else is happening. I should be getting x-rays on my back and hips this coming Wednesday so that should be good. Figure out what the heck is going on with my back and why the hell it hurts so dang much.

I know a lot of it from the RA, which will hopefully be treated soon. I gotta call both the Rheumy and Neuro on Monday to see if they got my referral and if the Neuro takes my insurance. If not, I’ll ask for a different Neuro referral on Wednesday. Blah this whole thing with providers not accepting my insurance has gotten out of hand. Hopefully of they don’t take it then I can find one in El Paso. Cuz AZ isn’t accepting any headache patients at the moment. Blargh.

On the 18th my youngest boys will be a year old. Snikrit, Boneripper, Thanquol and Lurk. So crazy! Rizzo is still with us, but slowing down. He’s got Hind Leg Degeneration and he drags his hind end around with him but he’s still got his front end strength and can pull himself up and around the cage. But he also has two lumps on his side and I think he will probably make it to the end of March and we may have to put him down just to ease any pain he may be feeling. That’s going to be very hard. He is Randy’s heart rat and ESA. So definitely preparing for that.

All the others are doing well. Gozer is definitely going to be my next alpha. He’s been spending a lot of time with Rizzo. Usually you’ll find him wherever Rizzo is. Taking notes I’m sure. They are all so big. I weighed them a couple weeks ago and Egon is my largest at 813 grams. Lurky is my smallest at 213 grams (dwarf boy). Gozer is right in the middle at like 565 grams. He’s just a standard rat all around. I’m attitude, looks and weight lol.

Let’s see. So if you read my last entry, you’ll see I had a dream involving Jeremy. And for the last couple weeks I have just been thinking about a lot of shit. Like I am happy and grateful that Randy has been in my life for the last 10 years and I definitely wouldn’t change any of that.

I have, however, always felt like I missed out on some stuff earlier in my life. That includes Jeremy. I am pretty sure that things would have still ended up the same way they are now, had I had the opportunity to actually date Jeremy for longer, but I have come to the conclusion that if for whatever reason, if Randy isn’t in my life, the only other person I could think of being in his place is Jeremy. And I know that’s a weird thing.

Like if Randy were to, God forbid, pass away in the next 10 years, and if Jeremy were not married, I would actively seek him out as a partner. But if he wasn’t available like he isn’t now, I would probably stay single. And there’s obviously more to that, because he lives across the country, but you know what I mean. He’s the one that would be the only one, or it would be nobody.

Coming to that conclusion has been really eye opening. I had a conversation with him the other day (not about this because I wouldn’t ever tell him this unless we were both single somehow), and it just sort of reaffirmed all of those feelings.

I mean I’ve been with him while he was figuratively stepping off a ledge to end his life. I’ve talked him down off a ledge on many occasions. He’s been and is still going through a lot of shit with his ex wife and their kids and it’s just heartbreaking to hear. But his current wife is good from what I can tell and they have a kid who is their world.

And my life with Randy, while it’s been difficult, is exactly the life that I need and want right now. We don’t have shit, but we have each other and that’s what matters. I know there are other people in my life who have meant a lot to me but for whatever reason I can only see Randy as my partner for as long as we both shall live.

I know there are a few people who he would turn to in the event that I were no longer in his life and I am ok with that. Because if I died, I would want him to be happy and taken care of.

I talked to Randy about my dream the other day. I told him that I rarely dream about him and that when he is there, my dreams are always good. But 9 times out of 10 he isn’t in my dreams. That most of the time my dreams are absolute chaos.

I told him that the dream was so good and that it was just weird that it was Jeremy that was giving me that big comfortable hug. I told him I couldn’t really explain why it was him but that it needed to be. He just kind of was like hmm yeah I see that.

Anyway this whole entry is all over the place and I absolutely do not apologize for that lol. Welcome to my brain!

I suppose that is it. Thankfully haha. Hope you all have a great weekend.