Adventures at Dusk in The Day To Day Ramblings

Today was one of those days at work. Busy, nonstop, endless list of things to do, always feeling behind. I was racing from when I clocked in just before 7 AM to when I clocked out just after 8 PM. I'm thankful I've hit my second trimester burst of energy as today took everything I had. One pee break, one snack break, one lunch break and otherwise full speed ahead, taking no prisoners, no rest for the weary. But I love it, and I did good things for good people, and I managed difficult ICU patients and I left proud and humbled and thankful for this job. It may wear me out but it also refills parts of me no other area of my life can touch. It is a job with meaning and purpose and for that I am profoundly grateful.

I came home to my sweet Claire who was more excited than ever to see me. Rob had left at 7:30 AM for work and headed right to a band gig, not stopping at home to feed the dog or let her out. Thus, when I walked in at 8:30, she had gone a solid 13 hours being stuck inside and she should have been begging me for food or water or at least the back door...but no. She simply wanted me. Not needed me for something or wanted to use me to get to something else...she wanted me to scratch her butt and sing to her and let her weave back and forth through my legs. She wanted me to sit down on the floor, work bag still on my back, scrubs still on my body, and lose myself in her for a few minutes. She simply wanted some love.

But I did need to feed her - and myself! - so we both ate dinner and then I took my tired, sore body to bed. I crawled under the covers and breathed a happysigh and got ready to watch whatever I wanted because Rob would be home late and tonight the remote is mine. But Claire wouldn't jump up. She was sitting, pouting even a little, near the door, giving me The Saddest Eyes Ever. So I hesitated. I was ready for bed and I was even already in bed...but she had been stuck inside all day. I gave a reluctant but all-too-happy-to-oblige smile to her and stood up. She knew immediately what we were about to do.

With the energy of a dog half her age, she ran full speed out of the bedroom, tearing down the stairs, bounding to the front closet where her leash is kept. She pranced and danced and hopped up and down SO EXCITED OMG PARK while I found my flip flops and her Chuck-it and off we went. She's at the very perfect age right now - old enough to be obedient and well trained but young enough to be exuberant, excitable, a ball of energy that fills our house and bounces off the walls. She practically drug me to the park until I finally just unclipped her leash and let her walk a few steps ahead of me, her wide grin and flopping tongue already making me smile. She's simply the best, you guys.

And then we stood in the dewy grass and played fetch. Throw after throw, lightning bugs filling the field around us, frogs singing from every corner, stars coming out, the perfect temperature, the perfect company. I left my phone at home, purposely, and lived in that moment. She is such a good reminder to me to do that. She loves my entire attention. She knows when I'm on my phone or distracted and she'll wait a few feet away, not bringing the ball back, until I put it away and give her all of me. She doesn't bark or yip or demand my attention...she patiently waits. She's perfect, I swear.

We stood there like that for a good hour. Throwing and catching, her sprinting back at full speed and barreling into my legs and looking up at me more and more and more happy. She is so thankful when I play with her and every single time, every single day, she says "Thank you" in her way just by looking at me a certain way or leaning into my legs or wanting nothing more than to be near me, with me, by me. Always me. Her and me, always.

And just as excitedly as it began, she's learned to know when she is done. She'll come running back after how ever many throws she deems enough and instead of dropping the ball and backing up, she holds onto the ball and sits down. She waits for me to clip her in and we head back home. Patient, calm, sweet, perfect. The walk back is full of chasing after hopping toads and sniffing tree stumps and making sure that everything is investigated and inspected with her nose. We walk slowly, nowhere to be, dusk fully fallen, the neighborhood hushed and still and tucked in for the night. I would have missed all of this if I'd have kept myself tucked in too but she knew. She knew we weren't done.

It was only an hour. It was only 60 short minutes. But they were our minutes. It was our adventure. It was our way to end the day. She's my favorite reason to take a walk, my favorite pair of eyes with which to see the world, my favorite way to spend any minute of any day. Soon, only six short months away, a new little someone will become my favorite of all these things. To be honest, that thought makes me, dare I say it, a little sad. I am so deeply attached to my sweet Claire, so intensely in love with her and the world she and I have built together. With Rob working weekdays and Claire and I always off adventuring, we have a bond I don't share with any other human or animal. I can't wait to be a mom but I don't want to give this up. I hope it will change, that she will join me and our Little One, that she will still feel loved and spoiled, pampered and adored. My time will be spent in different ways but I hope I still can sneak way with her at dusk sometimes, that I can still pull my tired bones from sleep and still lose myself in a few minutes unplugged and disconnected. She may be the only creature I ever have in my life who doesn't need me more than she wants me. She may be the truest friend I ever have. And for that, no matter what December brings, no matter how many more years I have with this sweet soul, I will always be thankful for having it at all.