I'm just wondering in Age 35

Has anyone who is ready ever had a spouse go on a trip without them? My husband has a brother in Spain (who is there teaching for a year) and he’s going to visit him. Now normally I would think that this is a no brainer question if you are no codependent. However, let me give some context.

We are facing financial hardships right now. Hardly a time, I think, to be traveling abroad a using money that could be spent elsewhere. He is forever in a bad mood. I just can’t seem to get him to shake out of his stupor. I try to listen to him if he decides to talk, I try being affectionate, I try to leave him alone. Maybe time away from me and the kids will do him good. He just keeps saying that he is stressed and needs to get out. I can comprehend that up to a certain point.

I know men are made differently, but really? And honestly, at this point, I don’t even care that he’s leaving. What I care about is when he comes back. Will he be happier? Will he finally have this cloud of negativity lifted from him and away from our home? I wanna spend time with him as one should with their spouse, but I also find that spending time with him is…harder than it should be. Its not organic. I actually prefer him gone. I get wrapped up in the idea of what hanging with him would be like that when I actually do hang with him, I just want him gone.

I attribute it to that same cloud of negativity he has around him. I just don’t want that around me. When I’m with him I want to be able to forget the mundane crap of my everyday routine. Yes, we talk about important things when the need calls for it like any normal relationship, but I wanna have fun as well. Its like he, or we, forgot how to do that.

So I am really hoping that this trip will liven him up. Will give him some mental clarity. I am 35 and getting older that I don’t want to waste what good time of my life I have on negative feelings. I wanna feel beautiful things; peace, contentment, love, homeostasis. One might say that this is what everyone wants, but that is because everyone or most people either don’t feel this or they get a glimpse of what those things are and want more.

For those of you who say that I should be more understanding, this is not a new thing. This cycle is ongoing for about....4 years now? Maybe more, maybe less. Here’s hoping for a bon voyage.