Not Over Things in Current Events

I’ve had a lot of rest the last two days. I feel like I have been in procrastination mode without anything to be procrastinating from. What am I avoiding? I committed to doing nothing for a change. I was mindful of my thoughts the last few days and the roommate situation is an obvious situation that I am avoiding. I’m not handling it. I’m being a simp. I wrote about the latest development in the previous entry.

Another situation is that I owe a friend money. I have been dragging out that conversation. I lost everything during that transfer of wealth and power we are calling a pandemic. She helped me scrape by while I was job hunting. She is coming over this evening for a visit and I was hoping we could talk about it because I am ready to pay her back. She knows that I want to talk about it but I won’t be able to do it while Toni is home. I’ll figure something out.

Not getting that full-time position, I’m not over it. I feel as though my boss is gatekeeping me from it. She and Linda robbed me of an equal opportunity and I didn’t let that slide without making a stink which my boss got in trouble for. I’ve gotten her in trouble multiple times. Then I report abusive and predatory behaviour and they decide to keep the asshole on the team where he retaliated against me. I was not protected. Then I got denied again for that position over a lame excuse. I am going to make a stink about it all. The double standards I keep calling her out on. She is hellbent on protecting the extra privileges she gives others. She lets Linda get away with time theft. I am just waiting for the right opportunity. Maybe I should talk to an employment lawyer about discrimination and retaliation and nepotism. My shifts got reduced, and I get denied opportunities on my team. There is more to it. It’s obvious what is happening here. They are trying to smoke me out and quitting makes me feel as though they won.

I could have worse problems. I’ve had worse problems. Why do things have to be so intense with me? (Scorpio Moon, Mars, and Pluto with another stellium in the 8th house (Mercury, Neptune, Uranus). At some point, I got knocked down and I haven’t had a spine since. I used to be intimidating and respected and now I’m a doormat, I feel. I think I need to work on that.