103 days until Graduation!!! in My life

Alright, what must I do now?

Feeling dejected. Bored. Stagnant. Just plain bored. Despondent. Dispirited.

How did I live 30 years and absolutely nothing with my life? I’m not stupid or lazy. At least not per se. I could be less of both but objectively speaking I guess people could say I’m neither stupid nor lazy. Yet I feel like I’ve done absolutely nothing with my life. All my skills are useless. All my endeavors did nothing to advance me.

Depressed. Yep that’s me. I’ve been trying to tell myself that crying doesn’t help. It just makes things worse. Crying and moping around do. But last night I couldn’t control myself.

I’m so depressed.

https://www.quora.com/I-have-a-lot-of-regrets-about-the-past-and-they-are-undermining-my-confidence-in-the-future-How-can-I-overcome-this
“Regrets are good, they show you are growing and evolving as a human being.

I would suggest you start with a list of the things you regret.

Next to each thing on the list, you should write what you learned from this situation and then what you would do different in future if faced with the same .

Then fold the list under the things you learned.

You are now left with what you’ve learned.”

My lessons would be STOP LISTENING TO MY PARENTS ALREADY OH MY GOSH. STOP LETTING THEM DICTATE MY LIFE. STOP LETTING THEM MAKE ME FEEL AWFUL ABOUT MYSELF.

I hate what they have done to me. I was such a good kid, honestly. They left me to be abused by my grandmother and did everything to make me feel small.

What do I do now? I guess, just buckle down and do what’s in my control and let go of what’s not. Treasure my husband because he’s the only one on my side now.

Why am I responsible for my family when they did so many bad things to me? I met ONE FRIEND online that I could talk to, and they went behind my back, broke into my account, talked to him and persuaded him that I had fallen in love with him and he needed to leave.

FUCKING STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THEM!!!!! I’M SO MUCH BETTER WITHOUT THEM! Overall, I mean, honestly.

Alright.

I spent a lot of time tonight just moping around and feeling bad for myself. It doesn’t help. I’ve got so much work to do. Hopefully I can pick up tomorrow again. Back to the grind. Working hard for something you just plainly don’t like. It just sucks.