Wreckage in Magma

It has been 24 hours since she stumbled upon my reality, my secrets. My return home yesterday evening was steeped in pain, crying and the slow sinking feeling of what I have really done.

I can't say I'm sorry enough

I never meant to hurt her, or anyone else.

I hated having to say goodbye to friends, by e-mail so cold and without emotion but it was at her insistence.

She has all my passwords to my e-mail, facebook, except my OD and here.

I can at least spill my thoughts here (hopefully) so I can make sense of what I've done. I don't know if I'll go to Vegas anytime soon or any other place by myself as such solo trips will be weighed with suspicion.

I don't blame her.

She saw my words and stabbed me with them, over and over.

I am immersed in my own pity, wishing with eyes clasped tightly that this will be over soon and I can renew my path forward.

I am seeking therapy as already I am deep in the hole emotionally. This only compounded what was already there.

I don't even know how sick I really am.