It seems like in Journal

A lifetime since I last wrote.

It’s a whole nother world, on the other side. I feel so much better. I’ve improved my behavior and relationship with my son so much it’s unrecognizable. To anyone interested i really recommend the Peaceful Parenting books by Dr Laura Markham. The sibling book especially.

Yesterday W and I sat down and did some art together. He likes coloring but I think he enjoys the clay more. I have a few art supplies for him to explore, but haven’t gotten them out except for crayons and chalk since L was born. The other night as i was falling asleep, an idea came to me. It was to create a couple of children’s stories starring my own kids. They could be special books for each of them. So yesterday while W was doing his thing, I roughed out titles, storylines and a basic picture for each. They’re really cute. I’ll either use paper bound or order something more sturdy… Haven’t decided yet.
(I did consider sharing a pic but their names are too unique.)

I had some interesting thoughts about what it means to try to represent virtues to children. Children are amoral.. which is not the same as anti-moral, it’s just that morality doesn’t really apply, and doesn’t really factor in to their decisions. They do what works, in a simple, pure, savagely innocent sort of way. So, to instill moral virtues, a parent must not only model ideal virtue, but model how virtue is the best.
If a parent has a value called, “care for those who are dependent upon me”, and the standard does not include that the dependent feels fundamentally cared for, secure, and loved, then that value is not sustainable. It’s not universal. Later, a parent with such an unsustainable value might become angry and resentful that their child asks for pets and cares for them haphazardly or not at all. Yet, such a parent has no right to criticize the child; he is merely reproducing his experience.
To use a crude but clear example, if a dog owner feeds his dog but yells cruelly, he is technically meeting the dog’s needs. But cannot be honestly confused if the dog doesn’t like him. Likewise, a parent who does everything for their child but fails to consider how the child might experience them, has no honest right to disapprove of their child’s choice to abandon the values of the parent.
So the values instilled must be internalized in a real world, productive manner in order to be universal. To know how the child experiences the enacted values, the parent must be continually seeking and aware of how their behavior affects the child. To refuse knowing how enacted values affect the child is to abandon the idea that as a parent, one has influence over how the child develops and matures.
And, lastly, the value has to hold up to critical skepticism. Why be good? Is the eternal mantra and ubiquitous curiosity of the young. Is goodness just self sacrificial altruism? Or does it actually serve a purpose? To be a parent is to answer this question, whether we like it or not. And our children show us the honest answer, whether we like it or not.