Back pain. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I’ve always suffered with my back problems but now it’s definitely time to figure something out because I can’t stand up for more than 30 minutes without serious pain. I can’t continue to live like this. Every single day it affects me and I’m now looking for a job where I will be able to sit and stand because I can’t do either for more than a few minutes. I have sent an email to HR about my back problem asking if I can work less or move to a different position but no one has answered just yet.

The next step is probably to work from home. I’m just so frustrated because I get adjusted twice a week, do heat and ice, take ibuprofen, walk as much as I can and it still manages to keep me up at night! It’s mainly my lower back but sometimes it’s my middle or it sometimes goes into my shoulders.

I had my meeting this morning where I ran into a couple of people I knew. It was a couple of people I don’t really hate or like, I talked to one of them. I was sitting there the whole time realizing that this just isn’t the job for me because not only am I to be on my feet the entire time I’m working but the job itself is really boring. I’m just trying to figure out where to go from here. I have left a message with my nurse but they aren’t in the office today so I’ll have to wait until tomorrow to hear back.

It’s like I get this idea in my head of what I want to do and what direction I want my life to go and it just never works out. I’m trying so hard to stay positive but there’s always something to fuck everything up. I really thought my back was going to be tolerable for me to work even part time but I have to find a job where I can move around, not just sit or stand in the same spot because I physically can’t fucking do it!

My body has betrayed me. I feel like I deal with things that I’m not old enough to deal with yet. I’m still in my 30’s and yet, my body makes me feel like I’m way older than what I am.