I'm guessing I got dumped. in Since OD is shutting down....

Alright so I managed to get my 3 day vaca and it was absolutely amazing. I spent it drinking, hanging out at my brother's house, seeing my niece and hanging out with that guy from last week. I'm not really sure how to feel about things other than I probably need to just accept that I'm never going to find someone. I haven't heard from him once today, even after I texted him just to say hi and hope he had a good day. I don't think he really wants to date, but just wants to be friends because he really wants to be able to be friends with my brother. I was so happy all day thinking about this guy and wondering if I'd hear from him and as the night wore on, the more I realized I wasn't going to hear from him and I probably won't again.

I just wish I knew what makes me so unlovable. Why men come around for a little while and then lose interest. It's just crazy that I work, I'm getting my degree, have my own place, a car, shower daily and pay all my own bills and still can't find a decent fucking relationship!!!! This bullshit where I'm just a fucking time filler or whatever is just completely unacceptable and I think the sooner I realize I'm never going to find a decent guy, the better off I will be.

Today was my first day back to work and I made $104 and worked until 11:30. I was so pumped to be back to work and told a few people I had a boyfriend but I'm now really wishing I hadn't. I was just so excited for people I know I had someone who liked me and everything to now realizing it was all a dream. I wasted my time hanging out with this person. I've taken all my ads off CL and don't plan to put myself out there to find anyone and just let things be.

I am just so wiped out with being alone. I'm sick of having to constantly worry about everything because I have no help whatsoever. I'm sorry to want to share my life with other people, at least enough to have a support system and have people even just listen to me but I'm on my own. I always have been and I need to stop putting myself through this bullshit where I put myself out there, get hurt, and then be depressed for awhile. Maybe I'm just wrong to ever think someone could come into my life with good intentions that I could actually plan a life with.

Is it possible that he just got busy or something? I suppose but to just step off the scene for an entire day after asking some chick to be your girlfriend is questionable. He doesn't seem like a shady person or anything but I need someone who at least wants to text a couple of times a day. I really don't think I have terribly high expectations or anything but to go an entire without hearing from my boyfriend is fucked up.

I've dwelled on this situation and realize it's over and I need to just forget about it. I tried and just got my hopes up and excited about this person and was completely fucking stupid again.

Anyways, I'm going to bed. Maybe I'll get lucky and not wake up tomorrow.