The perfect drug in And here we go.

I promised I won’t return to you, my perfect drug, my darkest sky.

All my dreams are primal, all my wants are primitive and void of material.

Is it still possible to get lost in the forest?
Would the desert be deliverance or death?

I have no need for a conscious thinking brain, the creativity for uncanny valley and to see the patterns in everything, so painfully connected with memories, failures and regrets.
I am not ok in this world, in this skin.

My sad songs are louder than before and every time I blink I’ve bankrupted myself with junk that’s going to be left behind when I die, just like my entire existence; gone. Perished. Forgotten.
Inconsequential.

My name is ruin
My name is heartbreak
My name is lonely
My sorrow’s a darkness

To you I return, a miserable failure; and you laugh and poke and make fun of me. Relapsing to this horrid, narrow room where I can sit quietly and bleed.

I’ve got my head, but my head is unraveling
Can’t keep control; can’t keep track of where it’s traveling
I’ve got my heart, but my heart is no good
And you’re the only one that’s understood

I come along, but I don’t know where you’re taking me
I shouldn’t go, but you’re wrenching, dragging, shaking me
Turn off the sun; pull the stars from the sky
The more I give to you, the more I die

Just take me with you, paint the sky the darkest black, no sun, no stars, just pitch black darkness where no hope kindles, ever.
I just want to close my eyes and open them up again in a world that demands nothing of my existence anymore.