Whatever shit life throws at me, I got to take it, then shake myself off, and move on in My life

I’m so tired of everything. I’m so tired of trying. Things are just too hard. I’m faced with so much disappointment.

I need to be extra, extra nice to my husband. He’s the only person who’s completely on my side and whom I could wholly depend on. I need to be nice to him. Yes, I’m very stressed, unfulfilled, and disappointed with my life, but I should try my best to be cheerful to him. My cheerfulness is the fuel for him to be there for me when I’m going through a dark time.

I gotta be careful while trying to branch out, though. What if it is only a case of the grass being greener on the other side? I don’t know.

If I have to pay that $2,100 bill then I AM NOT TAKING COMMUNITY COLLEGE CLASSES. Screw it. Just self-study and get that Coursera degree I guess? Urgggg. I’m an embarrassment. I can’t stand myself.

I should focus on making $$ and being a lawyer I guess, abandoning all ambitions. It will probably get better with some years of experience down the road anyway. I need work, house, and family. That’s way more than what a lot of people have. Then I can also volunteer and donate to charity, and help my sister through school.

This one incident affected me so much. I feel unhappy, unfulfilled. I just can’t wait anymore, to get out of here.

I feel so destroyed by law school. I don’t need a celebration after graduation. I need rest. I need healing. I need recovery. This is all just pushing my limits and I just can’t stand anything anymore.

Like, if I’m to kill myself today, what would the law school think? There’ll be news circulating, I’m sure. and people will pause in the middle of their day, and think, wow that’s very sad. Mental health is such an important matter. I’ll give them 5 minutes, top. Then they’ll move on with their day. Oh well.

Nobody fucking cares. In the professional world, people only care if you benefit them in some way. You might as well just do what you like. This should be a liberating thought. Nobody cares if you die. Seriously. That’s what happened when I read the email about the young public defender in my county who died. The exact same thing. “Wow that’s very sad.” That’s it. The end. Move on with my life and my issues.

I’m just so sad right now.