I Can't Drive 55!!! in QUOTIDIEN

I have been quite open about where I am on my journey through loss - how blessed we've been - and how we have been cared for by God. I realize this isn't everyone's cup of tea, but bear with me for a moment.

It all began when a friend from years back messaged me on FB, asking how the house showing went. In short, the guy was here for 2.5 hours, telling my realtor all that was wrong with the house - then had the nerve to ask her how much I owed on it. He also knew I was recently widowed. She was smart, and told him that even if she did know, she would not be at liberty to say - and that while I was anxious to sell, I wasn't desperate. ANYHOW - I tell this 'friend' that, plus I tell her/him that between work (near 50 hours) and fixing up the house, and trying to get time in with Anne-Marie, I'm busier than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

"I see you still have your sense of humor." "

"My sanity depends on humor."

Direct quote: "Humor is OK .,,.moment by moment as long as sinicism doesn't smother sincerity..and jabs and puns don't serve as a replacement for the source of our true joy and peace..."

I.....what?"

The conversation sort of took a downward turn after that, with advice on what I should be doing.

And though I assured this person that I am grateful and prayerful, continue with church, reach others through my work at the evangelism center, and move forward on my walk - (s)he went on to tell me that I need to spend more time in prayer and live a more God-centered life.

I got the same sort of advice back in Anne-Marie's NICU days. Cautionary advice about how anger and fear were signs of a weak faith - and that I needed to pray harder and longer and more in accordance to His will - because this was God's expectation of His good children.

I politely (yes, politely) told him/her that in times of total devastation - there are no hoops to jump through - no verses to memorize - no need to prove ourselves (not even to Him) - that if we I allow it, He will draw near to us. What we are living right now is a testimony to that.

As the conversation progressed, I got an increasing sense that (s)he was no longer listening to me, and was completely deaf and blind to my path, so intent was (s)he was on telling me where to go - and how to get there.

At one point, I was told that now was the time to immerse myself in Scripture and that despite all of my tasks, I should commit His word to memory. Further I'm told that while this won't give me anything extra - if I do this, God will work things out for us.

Folks - Let me just say this: Sometimes, it IS enough to simply manage a clear airway to breathe. The Divine CAN read the 'Oh, God' prayer tattooed on your heart even when your head can't put together the words. He DOES recognize thanks in your tears, and His power through the sometimes Herculean task of waking up in the morning and placing one foot in front of the other when life would otherwise have you begging for death.

And if, for one moment I didn't believe that people are 'hearing' my testimony through my living, I would find another way for them to hear!

So - go on with your bad selves, and be a blessing to someone else, live out your faith or beliefs and trust that God is big enough - and powerful enough - and WILLING to direct your path. And for the love of God, when someone gets mowed down by a semi while on their Spiritual journey, don't be yammering on about speed limits and how they're just not driving fast enough. Nobody likes a back-seat driver.

I am certain, knowing this person, that all of it was coming from a place of sincerity and concern for us and our well-being - so I am choosing to hear it as such. I share it here along with my thoughts because I think it underscores an important issue: there is a time and a place. We need to be aware (I include myself) that sometimes it is the exact wrong time, and sometimes, it just. Isn't. Our. Place.

This post has been a public service announcement.