01/03 in --

Oops, I dropped off the face of the Earth again. It happens.

I don’t really make resolutions but I decided this year I want to focus more on family stuff. Last year I put a lot of energy into my career. It paid the rent with inflation but didn’t do much else for me, and everyone else sacrificed things for it. The year felt like a blur, I don’t have many memories from it other than wasting time in airports. It was a slog. I don’t want life to be a slog anymore.

I suppose it’ll take time. I’ve been really struggling. I could barely function during the last few months. I showered maybe twice a week, couldn’t clean, couldn’t cook. Working a lot. Extremely unhappy and burnt out. Depressed beyond words. I don’t feel like myself. This weekend was restful but I didn’t get any time off from work during the holidays, which are stressful enough. My boyfriend has had to pick up so much of my slack.

The only thing tethering me here is my kids and my boyfriend. It’s been hard. I don’t wanna do any of this, it’s always one thing after another. And panicking in the grocery store. And the pharmacy I get a medication from is closing, my insurance doesn’t cover it, I don’t have $500. And the neighbor had a Christmas card sent to the wrong address and can I look for it. And my knees are stiff and achey. And and and. Too much.

Anyway. I am tired. I wish I could be like who I really am but I don’t feel like I have time or energy.

Despite the burnout and the chaos, I am grateful for the things I have and the things I can control. I love my kids and my boyfriend. We’re making good progress and I think big things will happen this year. I have a steady paycheck and a place to live. I can buy food and stuff. I have to remember all that.

It’ll be okay.

Last updated January 03, 2023