Thinking. in Since OD is shutting down....

Yesterday was a really bad day, probably one of my worst. After I dropped the car off and went to the gym, things drastically went down hill. I re-ordered my meds and then about an hour later, my nurse calls to say they aren't going to fax them in until I see the dr and because I told them I had a job, I have to pay a $60 co-pay! I got super pissed because this is the same nurse that has always made it extremely hard for me to get samples or refills of my meds and I felt like she was behind me having to spend money to get my meds! Well I got pretty rude with her and then the next thing I know, she said something to my Dr and my Dr will no longer see me. I spent a good part of yesterday crying thinking I wasn't going to get my meds and insulin refilled and I was going to have to start planning my own funeral because I don't have medical insurance and don't know where else I could go get seen that wouldn't charge me an arm and a leg. Well later in the day, my med girl called me back and told me that I needed to just schedule an appointment with a different dr there (my nurse told me she had no idea what I was going to do and didn't know this was an option) and I have an appointment tomorrow at 2:30. I'm completely pissed I have to spend $60 just to get a Dr to sign off on my med requests but it's either that or die a slow painful death not having insulin or my other meds that keep me alive. I feel like that place just has me over a fucking barrel and I'm super pissed about it.

I then have to go pick up car and find out it was about $367 to fix it as both hub bearings were out. I was paid a month ahead so I'm not ahead anymore and it extends my contact by about 10 days which isn't bad but it bothers me to know I'm not ahead anymore. He was being super nice but I was really down, scared I wasn't going to get something figured out with my meds and showed absolutely no excitement when he told me I didn't have to pay anything out of pocket. I felt really fucking bad but I was just exhausted from crying and dealing with that fucking drs office. I did apologize to him before I left and did appreciate him taking my car somewhere that did a good job and got me the best deal.

Then, I have to go to work. Honestly, I was in no way, shape or motherfucking form to be there but I felt I needed to go for money and I would probably be alright as long as nothing bad happened. Well, from the minute I got there it was nothing but negative and I was pushed to my breaking point. The first thing is I find out that guy my co-worker was going to hook me up with had some girl stay the night and that really fucking stung. I was already so close to fucking losing it and after that, I barely said a fucking word. Work itself went from bad to worse. I was so stressed about my car repairs and car payment as it is and then nobody was tipping at all. I just couldn't believe it after the day I was already having. Well, at some point I was driving (5 over the speed limit) and some guy walking with his wife and kid completely blew up at me, called me a retard and told me that if I wasn't working he would have pulled me out of my fucking car and beat the shit out of me! That was the last fucking straw. I called the cops to report this fucking threatening me and there wasn't much they could do as they didn't know who he was and whatever.

I had gotten back to work and talked to a couple of managers. I told them I was going home. I've gotten hardly any hours this week and don't have all of my car payment so I'm gonna have to dip into savings but I took tonight off and don't work again until Sunday. The guy's wife also called them trying to get me fired (like he had threatened me) telling them I was speeding because I was late which wasn't true at all. It wasn't enough that he had gotten away with treating me like a piece of shit but then tried to get me fired as well?!

I ended up drinking with that guy and applied at a couple of places online. Both of those places called me today and one isn't going to work because of the schedule since I won't have open availability due to school starting in 2 months and it's a bummer because it's $10 an hour. The other place I didn't call back yet because I slept pretty much all afternoon/early evening but plan to try and get an interview tomorrow as I have to go make car payment, get food, apply at a couple of other places I have in mind and get groceries.

It's just crazy how mean and evil this world has become. I know that even finding a new job isn't really the answer as there's bullshit to put up with no matter where you work but I've reached my breaking point with that place. I know it's not anyone there's fault that guy was a dick but to get back to work and them having no sympathy at all is what got to me. I am just so over that place, the managers, my co-workers, the customers..just everyone and I'm ready for a fucking change. I'm tired of being treated like shit and being made to feel like I don't have any choices. I'm more than determined to get the fuck out of there.

I don't know if I was ever totally happy there or I just made myself believe that so it was easier to get up and go everyday. I don't know where my head is anymore but I know my heart isn't in it. I am either going to find another job or I'm going to decrease my hours there to like 4 days a week. I really can't afford to do that but I can't be there as much as I have been either. I feel that it's best for me to not be there as much anymore. I need to spend more time at the gym, doing my own thing and having more time to do stuff I enjoy to de-stress.

There's just a lot of things about my job that really piss me off and I'm ready to get away from it. I'm sick of not getting off work when I'm scheduled too, I'm tired of never getting to eat while I'm there which results in me eating extremely unhealthy shit later on, not having choices, dealing with co-workers who are lazy and complete fucktards and not getting a raise after almost 9 months. The shit is just so fucking old and I just can't imagine being there too much longer.

It's just super hard for me to feel good about myself when I have a job where I'm constantly treated like shit. I do have a pretty thick skin but there's times where shit gets to me. Especially yesterday when I already had a bunch of other problems to deal with and then all that goes on to just make it the worst day ever.

Not really sure what else to talk about other than it's been super nice to have the day off and this will be the first time since I started working there where I'll have 3 days off in a row or in the same week for that matter. I'm just burnt the fuck out and I'm going to let them know my schedule has to change and I just can't be there 5 or 6 nights a week anymore. I just can't because that places wears on me and I have to start being able to have more of a life outside of work. Just outside of that place in general.

I do believe it's time to make some changes. I just want to be happy and I don't see that possible staying where I'm at.

Oh so yeah, that guy and I hung out again last night. He's pretty cool but I don't see myself ever developing feelings for him and I know that he's not from here and doesn't know a lot of people so I can't help but wonder if he's hanging out with me just to fill a void and I don't want to be someone's part time just to kill time. I don't see myself hanging out with him anymore simply because I feel like he just uses me because he's bored.

I'm watching a movie and then planning to go to bed. I just don't think I'm going to be satisfied until I get a job somewhere. I need something new.