Boring Day in Current Events

Well, my roommate came home just as I was ready to start making content for the socials. She will be gone this evening so I’ll try then. I was just hoping for some daylight. I also tried to have a normal conversation with her yesterday but that got weird. I tried again today but it got weird. I don’t want to read into it. I was trying to suggest that we order in one evening soon and watch a movie. I can barely get more than two words out of her.

I don’t know what to do with myself today. I still have two more Christmas presents to get but I really don’t feel like leaving the house. I’ll go first thing in the morning.

So it’s been a couple of weeks now on #NoFap. There are many definitions of what that means but basically, I quit watching porn. I don’t feel a connection to it at all. I did have a moment of weakness where I almost fell for a thirst trap. I checked to see if someone had an OnlyFans but I stopped myself from going further. I did see the goods that I wanted though and it wasn’t all that. Now he’s all over my newsfeeds.

TMI
Before I start semen retention, I am trying to achieve the orgasm that I used to have long before puberty happened. I don’t think it is going to happen. I had a really good one today trying. Another NEMO (neverending multiple orgasm), mine are non ejaculatory. I’m able to have orgasms and still achieve semen retention, I think I’m about ready to go. I have the best ones after I perform a coffee enema. Don’t know why I needed to share that. Since I stopped watching porn, I lost a reason to get off everyday. I went the whole week without, before today.

I originally wanted to paint this weekend. I’ll buy the paint for it tomorrow. What a missed opportunity, actually. I could have made some art and given those away for Christmas. Whatever. I can hang on to them.

I’m still feeling upset about the bad news I got. I didn’t plan to fast today but a) starving is my old way of “self-harm” and b) my stomach is flat because of my coffee enema and I seem to want to keep it that way… I’ll smarten up and go eat after this entry. I have been feeling like shit lately because I’ve been eating like shit lately. I know better. I will do better. My version of eating poorly is relying heavy on mock meats. Eating old comfort foods like poutines and burgers. The vegan way which is not necessarily healthier. I know better.

I think I got fixated on keeping my stomnach flat because as I was in the mirror taking care of my facial hair, I noticed that my body looked good. I can tell that I am working out. I walked past the mirror on my dresser while I was still nude and I noticed that butt looked good too.

So the bad news hurt my feelings, it stopped me from dreaming for a moment. I had bigger plans than that place anyway. I’ll just focus on that. Not sure why my boss chose Christmas weekend to break the news to people but that’s her future karma, not mine.