Looneytoonz! in Adaptation

Drew graduates from high school tonight.

Naturally, it’s all. about. me. and my fucking mood dictating every. fucking. thing.

Peter said:

”Suzy! We did it! All three of our kids got through high school! It’s a great day! Congratulations!”

MaggieTheCat said:

”You raised a kick-ass daughter! Good job, Momma!”

My Gayboyz said:

”Your daughter is a force to be reckoned with! She’s just like you! Look out world!”

And I’m over here, trapped behind glass, trying really hard to remember the TRUTH and agree with the FACTS and feel something OTHER THAN grief-anxiety-crazyness.
I feel like my brain just won’t give me a moment’s peace - it won’t ALLOW anything good. I’ve been triggered like mad, being here, in this town.
Also, Sean is about to arrive for the festivities (and to help us move on this end) and my relationship with him is still a bit tricky for me - I need to be careful with myself around him.
I want more than anything to feel relaxed and peaceful and to just… allow it to flow and not be all clenched-up and neurotic and obsessive and having it over-shadow every-fucking-thing and choke the joy out of every single moment.

Like, I haven’t fucking EARNED the kudos and credit?
I feel like I’ve paid in BLOOD AND BONE, ferfuckssakes.
The last 25 years of my stupid-fucking-waste-of-a-life have been about the struggle to stop the crazy train and to model better behaviour and lead them away from the shit that leaves you with a life like MINE… or, Peter’s, for example.

Can my scrambled brain just…

FUCK OFF and LEAVE ME ALONE FOR A FEW HOURS?!?!

THAT’D BE GREAT!!!

I’d like to enjoy my (short) time with the only friends I have left on the planet - the people who still like me for whatever unfathomable reason.
And, I’d really like to just feel present and part-of - able to enjoy this moment with Drewzilla and that hunky rat-bastard, Peter and, ol’ Seanie-boy.

I’m humming with anxiety and dread… I want to crawl out of my goddamned skin.

Ugh.

Okay!

Gotta put on my game-face.

Yes, yes…

everything’s just fiiiiiiiine.

Last updated October 08, 2014