Expectations in Journal

I’ve realized that our toddler, W, isn’t like the other kids some time ago. But I hadn’t connectedwhy until maybe this morning.
I mean, I know why- peaceful parenting. But more specifically, it’s because we don’t have expectations.
I don’t mean reasonable, personal, appropriate expectations. Those we have. I mean arbitrary expectations. These are diverse and, it seems, ubiquitous in the world as I observe it.
And, I will clarify that we are not perfectly expectation-less. But, that is the ideal that we strive for.
The main thing recently of course is that W just became a big brother. Everyone asks how he’s handling it, if he’s jealous, acting out, etc. And I say, no. They’re usually surprised and comment about the negative behaviors of older jealous siblings.
I mean, I don’t mind taking about it. But it’s just almost cliche, now, to hear every single person being it up. Also, I guess it is a little bit annoying. Because I was reading sibling books months ago and would have loved to discuss it, then. Part of me wonders why people think it’s okay to just run blindly into THE most important job they’ll ever have-parenting- without any preparation. It’s terrible. The long term consequences on their kids is horrible. And likely not recoverable.
Anyways. Yes, I researched and read books. I wrote letters to my brother. I think I actually sent one of them. I worked on my inner relationships with my brother, mother, father, etc. I reflected on and learned from that experience and talked to DH about his experiences with his brother. And you know what? Every single time, THE PARENTS are always responsible for the sibling relationship.
Which is really empowering.

Anywho, I don’t expect W to feel any certain way about his sister. I don’t expect any help from him, or even any attention. I sort of expect some basic respect of her as a person, and it’s more my job to establish that we do respect her preferences. So far, that has meant simply not physically being in the same space she is, lol. Pretty simple and totally appropriate for a 2 year old, imo.
I feel I can trust him because I know that he is capable of, understands the principle, and agrees with it. The fact that he doesn’t like it when others invade his space or don’t respect him, is acceptance that he should uphold that rule in order to demand it from others. Universalize it, baby. He gets it. Ofc he needs reminders bc he is 2. But all in all, it’s a small and happy price to pay to keep peace and positivity and leave an opportunity for a deep abiding lifelong love for his sister. Im glad that we never just winged it. Fixing a problem is never as easy as simply preventing it in the first place.