Resentment in Current Events

Resentment is not a function of anger it is a function of envy.

I have resentment toward my roommate because I envy her. When she wakes up she is not concerned about the chores that need to be done around the apartment. She does not concern herself with what it takes to keep the groceries in stock. She does not think twice about leaving her mess for someone else to clean. She does not concern herself with dinner. She has a leave it for mommy and daddy approach to everything and it works. I enable it.

I’m tired of being a simp for her. I really need to get the news tomorrow that I got that full-time position because then I can afford to put my foot down. I feel stuck so that is why I let her take advantage of me. I would rather not have to look for a new roommate but I know she is inflexible and will not change.

I am on a hunger strike. Not my hunger, hers! I refuse to cook for her. When I went shopping today I almost decided not to get chips, cookies, etc. Things that are snacks and treats. Those will be her meals. I went back and got them anyway because she does need to eat.

She needs to parent herself. If she had kids she would not let them spoil their appetite before dinner. She would not let them eat ice cream at midnight. She would not let them eat chips as a meal. She would not tolerate cleaning up after them. She would not let them smoke weed all day every day. She would make them put their phones down and do something productive. She would get them help if they were miserable and depressed. She would get them help if they were battling addiction. The moral of the story, she is not emotionally mature. She cannot will herself to do things that she doesn’t feel like doing. She’s codependent and needs someone to do it for her. If she were a high-value woman, maybe she would meet someone who is willing to be a simp.

I am self-aware now that I am envious. However, I do have someone to take care of the things that I don’t feel like doing. I got me.

On another note, I also became self-aware of how loquacious I am. With Mike gone, I do not feel like I am walking on eggshells. That somehow led me to notice that I am very talkative. I know it drove Mike crazy, it might be a distraction to others. I’m not sure. I do want to water myself down though.

I was talking to Chuck today, briefly. He’s my work crush. He’s like, in his 50s? He works in receiving. He’s an Aires. A big personality. A married man with kids. His daughter works in our store also but she is on maternity leave. She and I just started bonding before she left. Chuck is intimidating. Fire sign energy does that to me. I’m a big personality but not when he is around. I’m smitten and shy. I don’t even know what he was talking about when he started talking to me but he then randomly asked if I was in any sports. I told him that I am not but that I was thinking about starting up kickboxing and that made him stop dead in his tracks. I think he had a neurological collapse. That was the last thing he thought I was going to say. He was tongue-tied for a second and then he told me how he used to do it. He got his ass kicked every single time. He had to take his son out of it because he would lose control.

On that note, I do want to try some kickboxing classes to see if I like them. I always wanted to. I have to sort my shoulder out first. It is fucked up. I even struggle at work a bit. I do like the pain, however, this is telling me that something is wrong. This weekend I have brunch with the girls. Carly might have advice or might be willing to work with it. She does physio for athletes.

I always feel very ambitious this time of year. Mars exalts in Capricorn. I’m a Capricorn/Scorpio stellium. It’s just my favourite time of year also. All that new year new me energy from everyone. People trying to create change to support bigger and better things. Love being around that.

Anyway, I failed to study again. The material is not crazy hard yet though. I’m just super tired. I’m just going to go crash.

Last updated December 12, 2022