NJM 19 - The One in Each Day

For the record, I don’t believe in The One. That was a myth dispelled in my late teens, when the guy I believed was The One broke up with me. It destroyed me. It was just before this time that I had read Stranger in a Strange Land and the concept of polyamoury was starting to foment. I started having a hard time distinguishing between my friends and my romantic interests (mostly, probably, because I had a habit of getting romantically involved with my friends), and all of this was getting tied up in my sexuality, too.

The One was hard to beat. I spent 5 years with my ex and my feelings for him paled in comparison to my feelings for The One.

When M and I started seeing each other, he was supposed to be a fling. I was less than 3 months single after ending it with the ex, M was older, a soldier, and not going to be around for long, so my inner slut was screaming “JACKPOT”! Haha.
About a month after we met, on our second date, I realized I was in love with him. And when I recognized the feeling mid kiss, I bit him. Hah.

I don’t know when exactly I started to realize that M was different, that my feelings were creeping into The One territory. But I remember it was after we found out that M was leaving for Manitoba. I was distraught. I had no one in MB. But what I was feeling made me want to follow him. I talked to The Odd Lady about all of it, she’d been with me through my relationship with The One, she told me that I couldn’t give this up. I knew myself that I couldn’t let fear of the unknown stop me from knowing how this ended.

And so I moved.

There were times over the last 15+ years that I thought we wouldn’t make it. I’ve written about this in the past. But I don’t know the moment that I knew we’d never let each other go. But there was a recognizable change. I believe it started when I started talking about joining the military. I’ve said before, “we started making plans for the future and just never stopped talking about it”.
I also think the fact that I was hiding my needs played a significant factor in our inability to truly connect on that deeper level, but when I started talking about joining the military was the beginning of my eventual decline, and M was right there with me, through it all.

Last updated November 19, 2022