What to Do About Work? in Still Listening to Spirit

I am really reluctant to return to work. I just don't think I can do it. I wrote that Heath paid me on the check I got the Friday before the journey $2.50 an hour less than we agreed upon when we talked in his truck and I was no longer going to work dispatch with or without him.

I was frosted, but wanted time to pass before I confronted him or let it pass or whatever. I recognized the stress and pressure and the coming journey would have an effect on my thinking. I needed to be steady, sure, and really think things over.

I was still ambivalent about this this morning when Lynn came by to pick up sputum samples from us on her way to the Clinic. I shared a small bit about how awful Bill had been to me and she said "Withdrawal". Oh, a lightbulb moment. "HE is detoxing from cigarettes and beer--years of both." Of course, but that didn't excuse his choice to be verbally abusive.

Dear Mage mentioned the same scenario in her note to me that I saw later in the day. I have so many wise women who care for me.

I asked Lynn if I was cleared to go back to work and she said "Yes, but keep a low profile til we find out if this is some contagious thing." I told her I was really wanting to put it off and was considering not going back. She asked "Who are you working for?" I answered "Heath". and she made an awful face. "He's a sociopath." she said with the authority and conviction that immediately resonated with me. "Really" she said, "Get out of there. You'd be better off not working than you would spend any more time there."

The puzzle pieces fell into place and the more I think about it and want to deny this is so, she hit the nail on the head on so many levels. He is charming, witty, appears to deeply care about people, causes, charities, his family, his employees, etc. But his actions at every turn demonstrate that he has little thought for anyone but himself, even his wife and kids that he promises to spend time with, eat dinner every night with, etc. and then things come up every day and he doesn't.

He never pays overtime if he can help it and seldom cares about the rules and laws we all must abide by. He brags about his thousand of dollars' contributions to charities down south in his home town. He revels in power over people.

A sociopath has no empathy, no ordinary caring feelings as others do. He believes he thinks faster and better than anyone around him. (He has told me this 3 or 4 times) I could go on but why bother.

After this conversation, I decided I would work for him to get a paycheck in July so I would have my 2 quarters I needed to get minimum unemployment this winter and then I was done.

But, I wasn't sure I could even do that.

I called Madame to ask her what she knew about who needed help. She was napping and wasn't answering her phone. I called Greg because I thought Monday was still his complete day off from both jobs. He was busy, but said he would call me back.

He did and said that it wasn't much but would I want to take over their pre-books again. Even if I got something else, it was something I could do at night. He said Madame absolutely HATES them. I said "I love them!" Greg said "I know and you're GOOD at them." I agreed and we will decide on an hourly rate. So if I have nothing else, I will have that little bit and fulfill requirements for unemployment for the winter. Maybe $98 a week, an amount not to be sneezed at for certain.

I am calmer than I have been in a while. No we still don't know what Bill has. Lynn is coming by tomorrow morning to take blood and get a urine sample. More tests, this is bothering her, a baffling mystery, this intuitive healer without a clue or even suspicion.

I told her that I had more people that I could count around the world praying for Bill and maybe we would have a spontaneous healing. She said "That could very well happen."

So, second entry in this evening. Blessed be! And thank everyone for continued good thoughts, prayers and caring.