June 23, 2014 in 750 Words

Watch the flames burn on and on the mountain side, Desolation comes from the sky.

I see fire inside the mountain, I see fire burning the trees....

And I hope that you remember me...

I love this song. I really do. I don't know what it is, if it's the singer's voice, if it's the soothing melody, or if it's just the fact that it tugs at something. There's a story there, there's a story that is not only in the words but in the music, something that I should be able to ilk out sooner or later. ((And if the night is burning I will cover my eyes, for if the dark returns then my brothers will die...))

That's what I want to do, ilk stories out of these songs that I find. I know the song was written for the Hobbit movie, but there's another story there, one with characters I've created, dreamed, shaped.

Now a new song comes on... Angel with a Shotgun. This song reminds me of a character for another story that I'm doing. I don't know if it is in the same world as Julie's story, but it's a good one. (I'm an angel with a shotgun, fighting till the war's done, I don't care if Heaven won't take me back... And I want to live, and not just survive, tonight...) There's an angel who decides to defy heaven in order to protect the woman whom he loves. I still don't know much about the plot itself, just that Raliel decides that in order to protect something precious ,something unique and real, he would walk away from heaven and all that belongs there. It kind of makes me wonder... if I found something that pure, something like that. If I found a love that was eternal or at least that completely snared me like the love that I want to write about, if I would turn my back on everything that I know, turn my back on all the people who are expecting and wanting and waiting for me, in order to follow the one I love. A lot of people have done that for me. Well, two. That's not "a lot" but it's more than most people have... Matt walked away from his family whom he loved in order to move up here and I ended up treating him bad, even though I didn't realize I was at the time. I'm bad at that, of being so me-centric that I don't think of other people's feelings unless I'm using them to hurt myself. Court did the same, he moved up from Vermont, but unlike Matt, I don't think that I'm going to get rid of Court, I think he's going to stay here forever, which will make having a boyfriend and bringing him home a pain in the arse. I really need to move out but honestly, I don't think I can make it out there on my own, having to shop is a painful process. I make too much money to end up existing on what I would have to eat if I moved out, since Mom and Court would expect me to pay my bills to them first and foremost. I was thinking about getting a little hatch back or something something small so that I can run off when I want to, when I need to. I was also thinking about getting a hotel room, but we're looking at 500 or so a month, and that's a little tiny studio without any adminities... no phone, no cable, no nothing. It'd almost be worth it... but Maili's already living like that and I know how mom worries about it.

There's a third song on my playlist and I haven't heard it yet since I started this entry... I wonder where it went. I might have to go and continue it there, or turn the song or something, this song is good, one of my favorite but I want to hear Carnival of Rust before I head to bed in the next ten minutes. It's almost 11:00 and I don't know if I'm sleepy or if I'm just blah. I think I might be actually sleepy, although the way that you're looking at the other plants, and animals, I think that we need to go and have a talk and the like... so that we can prep and the like. Holy shit, that makes no sense... I'm definitely sleepy. I see fire again, and it's pretty and the like but not what I want.

// 762 words