"Localized" goals-- 180 days counting down in My life

I misread something and as a result lost a bunch of points on an assignment I spent SO MUCH TIME on. What was with that? Now I’m in the blue.

I just want to matter in this world, but I don’t know how to be.

Alright. I don’t know. Back to reality, I guess. I still hate law school and I’m not excited about having a legal career at all. There and then.

Stupid.

180 days to be done. Although it’s not exactly that “I just want to be done” either.

11:43 AM. Until 5:30 PM, my goal is 5 hours 25 minutes of studying/working.
Result: 1 hour 10 minutes short. And I got nothing done. Isn’t it so strange? It is so strange. Where did all my time go? I’m so sick of law school. I just have to say that again.

7:55 PM. From now until 8:35 PM. I’ll aim for 35 minutes of studying.
Goal met. But nothing much to brag. Maybe I should do small time frames?

Sobs and tears. But, I have to stay strong for my family, my biological family and my husband, and the children we will have.

While I’m here, I might as well just enjoy it, right?
10:26 PM. I aim for 1 hour 30 minutes of studying.
Can I fool myself into liking law school? Can I? Can I?

I hate that my crabbiness upset my husband. I just don’t know how I can be different. I’m just so overwhelmed with hate and boredom for law school and I just don’t know how to get out.