Weekend is over. in Since OD is shutting down....

I ended up working on Friday because they kept blowing up my phone and I felt bad. I was off at 8pm and then hung out with my brother and his girlfriend all night. We saw my brother's favorite band play and then checked out some different bars. It was a lot of fun to just get out and do something other than work. I had a good time. I didn't get home until about 5am, slept til about 1pm and then took a long nap last night until 9pm and then was up until about 2am. I hung out over at my brothers house for awhile today before work and my niece was being a little turd. Work went super fast and was a good time. I enjoyed it.

So there's this guy that responded to my CL ad that has been emailing me all weekend and has asked me to hang out several times but I haven't because I've been busy working and didn't want to last night because it was my only night off and I don't want to waste my free time with someone that I'll probably never see again. He asked to hang out tonight when I got off work but didn't respond when I told him I was off. I'm guessing he either passed out or got cold feet about the whole thing. I'm honestly okay with it because I'm not really into wanting to start something new with anyone because I've done a lot of thinking about my past relationships and just feel like I'm going to keep finding assholes so what's the point in trying. I know that's horrible thinking but I've never been treated that great and I just feel like I'm gonna just keep finding shitheads so I'm better off by myself. There is this one guy I work with that I would date but he's seriously 10 years younger than me. We flirt like crazy and I love his smile but I doubt it will turn into anything. It's kinda nice to just be able to flirt and have the freedom to do so. I've never been very flirty because I've always been super aware of how I look and worry that I'm being too forward and over the top but now, I just go with it and get a good response from the guys at my work so it's comfortable.

I do wonder if I'll ever find someone who will stick around and would actually treat me well that would have good intentions. I think it's possible but not probable. I know that I would like to have someone to get to know and spend time with but I don't want someone who is just a creeper that will try to get in my pants or someone who is only going to be around one time and I'll never see them again. I always want to hang out with people but I don't want to waste my free time doing it because they probably aren't going to stick around anyway so I've wasted my time. Also, I worry because most of the guys I talk to are from CL or Facebook and they turn out to be total creepers or just super annoying with trying to get laid. It's just crazy to me how men (and some women) are just so quick to jump in the sack with someone they barely know and don't get how stupid it is! I mean, I got an STD from someone I had been with for almost 5 months so I just couldn't imagine laying it down with someone after only knowing them for one night!

It's just annoying how I just keep attracting losers! I'm starting to wonder if it's true about all the good guys are either taken or gay. I spend a lot of time fantasizing about what it would be like to have a nice guy in my life. I probably spend way too much time thinking about it but then decide I'm good because I'm just doing my own thing. I don't push with anyone because right now, I do like where I'm at but it would also be nice to know there is someone wanting to get to know me as well. I just feel like everything I need or want in a relationship I'll never find because men are such assholes here.

Anyways, I'm just relaxing and getting ready for bed. I ended up stopping at Taco John's on my way home. Yeah not the best diet food but I was craving it and I've decided Sunday is going to be my cheat day. I would also like to make it to the gym more this week then last week. I only went one day last week and I feel like a fat cow. It's just I'm so busy all the time. But, I want to lose weight and I need to make a better effort, especially when I'm paying to go there. I want to lost weight so bad and I must stay focused. It was so nice to cheat and have french toast for breakfast and fast food for dinner but it's like once I have it, it's hard to turn it down. After I go days without fast food, candy, soda, or any crap I shouldn't eat I do good on leaving it alone but after I have it, I want more of it. Grrrr I wish I could just be naturally skinny. Being fat is really a shitty deal.

I also must make a better effort to not spend so much money. I blew $60 yesterday on 2 purses ($10 for both I bought off CL) then $13 for lunch at Taco John's, then $20 at the $ store. Oh and the rest for gas. I love being able to buy stuff since I couldn't for so long because I didn't have a real job but now I feel like I over do it. Growing up I never once had a name brand pair of shoes and now I have 4 or 5. I also LOVE to buy shit at Wal-Mart. I think part of the reason I like to spend money on myself is because I used to give my parents all my extra money and go without so now, I buy whatever the fuck I want.

So, this week I'm going to try and not spend any money unless it's for gas or maybe getting something to eat and saving what doesn't have to go to the car payment. My savings are slowly getting depleted because I keep forgetting about putting money in the bank so more is getting spent then put away. I was so deprived for so long and now, if I want something, I buy it. I like that but I also love having money in the bank too. I need to start saving more than what I spend. Starting this week. I always spend money on good things but I just spend more than I should. I never waste money or buy stupid shit but it's time to stop buying so much.

My brother and I also talked my Mom the other night when she stayed over at his house to watch my niece so that we could go out. She starts her new job at the end of July and I'm just afraid it's going to be the same shit it always is where she makes money and my Dad just spends it and makes sure she's always broke. I really hope my Mom can start saying no and stick with it. I am so tired of my Dad being the way he is but no one can do anything but her.

Bedtime.