NJM 3 - off script in Each Day

I’m not a joke kinda person. I think I’m funny, I think I have good timing, but I also think life gives us so much material to work with and that there’s an art in being able to laugh at the ridiculousness of our existence.

That said, I’m stealing this from Midorinokaeru:

What is your Anti-Bucketlist?
(That is, things you never want to experience in life)

She starts the list off strong, and I’m going to echo that.

1. Pregnancy. I have a lot of mom friends and I don’t mean this as disrespect to their choices. We are different people, but No Thank You. I have enough intrusive shit going on in my head, I don’t need something invading my body and changing my emotions, too.
2. Parenthood. It’s hard enough taking care of myself. I honestly, and respectfully, don’t know how parents do it. Y’all are heroes, and deserve all the gold stars. But for me? Nah.
3. Go on a cruise. The ocean is terrifying.
4. Do space tourism. SPACE IS TERRIFYING.
5. Jumping from a height that requires any sort of safety gear. I used to want to sky dive, but I never got around to it. I know myself and I know I wanted to do that because I am insanely afraid of falling from heights. To the point that even looking down from a height in a video game can give me vertigo in reality. It was something I wanted to prove to myself. Today? No thank you, and that goes for bungee jumping, hang gliding, or whatthefuckeverinthesky.
6. Get married again. I mean, I wouldn’t rule it out entirely, but having the relationship with M that I have now, I totally understand why my mom never remarried after dad died, which I COULD NOT FATHOM when I was 23. It is simply impossible to me that I could be this wildly compatible with another human.
7. Grow cacti or succulents anywhere but outdoors. Some of them are neat or whatever, but I’m way more into interesting foliage than juicy plants. Now, if we moved to a hot desert location I might change my tune, but I don’t see that happening any time soon.
8. Eating pork or beef again. I don’t want to, so why would I?