Cock Blind in I am I Said.

Last night I went to bed early. Medical shit - *again *- some potentially scary shit. Weepy, worried. Tired of getting punch after punch in the gut. The closing of the Deputy Douche chapter - the past couple weeks...etc. But still doing okay mentally and emotionally. Reminding myself I cannot control tomorrow no matter what, therefore, I ain't got time to be worrying about what IF tomorrow. Tomorrow's going to come no matter what, might as well make the best of today.

I awoke to see that Deputy Douche's wife's sister had called me - there was no message left. Preparing to be ripped a new asshole for hurting her sister - and for sending her sister and his parents a letter outlining it all. Selfishly, because I needed to set the record finally completely straight and stop covering for his wicked lies. So I laid it all out on page, bare, unadulterated, semi-edited (removed a lot of f-bombs and such) complete, ugly truth. I didn't call her back this morning, needed to gather strength for the perceived verbal ass-whooping. I called her when I got home, she wasn't there. She called me back.

I'm still really thrown off guard and so freaking RELIEVED. Any way, instead of shredding me? I received a very, very unexpected gift! On HER birthday. I answered first saying, "I'm ready....". She cut me off and said, "Tamara, I am so sorry. * *DDW* is sorry...we had no idea. She can't call you yet - but she does want to speak with you."

*DDW Deputy Douche's Wife of 18-years.

I cannot believe, well, yes, I can. But he told them so many lies about how he and I met, etc. I set the record totally straight. He is in for one fucking *RUDE *awakening. FINALLY DDW has grown a set, retained a very savvy Boston divorce lawyer and is going to take him for ALL she can. I told her to relay to Carol? That I will write/sign any affidavit she wants or needs me too, appear in court if needed, HAPPILY. She is giving the letter to her lawyer.

We spoke for almost 2-hours. Sickening. Just sickening he is. Totally and completely just depraved and devoid of any impulse control or empathy. The very DEFINITION of a Narcissist. I filled her in where she needed to be filled in. ;) He forgets he told me EVERYTHING and most of its in writing from his email account.

I feel no more guilt now. She confessed to me, too. Early in his marriage to her sister, he came over to her house one night and tried to kiss her and grabbed her boob. She told her husband but never told her sister and doesn't want her to know. How fucking low? Really.

How could I have been so damned gullible - I am NOT a gullible person having grown up on the streets here. I am also very, very good at seeing through people, right away. It's that whole 'empath' thing -- the lie detecting is a tool used at work and I am nearly spot on. He fucking had me totally, totally fooled.

Game on fucker, I warned you...don't fuck with me to the point where I feel like a total and complete idiot, warned you too that if you lied one more time? I would see to it you paid for it, finally. I so hope I get to walk into that courtroom and smile at him as I take the stand as a witness for DDW. Please, if I get one more wish? Let that be fulfilled.

I know I sound like the woman scorned, which he told his wife I was. That I was "lying" "insane" "scorned ex"... but ya know, when you have someone's own written words and you are once again just a part of a 5-year cycle of the same behaviors, finding your vulnerability, twerking that and charming the pants off you with his poems/love letters/song dedications? He's also, at least at first, really good in bed. Then he becomes more aggressive and dominating and selfish even there.

DDW's sister told me Douche went there, to his, what I termed his "familial home" on his birthday ... his parents left gifts. B, his son said to him, "happy birthday loser" and that was it. His eldest son has never respected him or liked him. Bah.

What the fuck was I thinking, he's my sperm donor - other than he works at the jail where my sperm donor was a frequent guest. Blech Tamara, just fucking BLECH! Ain't NO dick ever, ever worth that again. Even my sperm donor told me exactly how he snared me and admitted he does it. However, at least the sperm donor has the decency to let the chick o' the moment know all she is to him is a warm body, some holes and an address.

Man ya dumb bitch, ya went and fell for the type of man ya avoided at ALL costs all yo life?

Well, I guess there's a lesson to be learned. I know one thing for sure, I'll never be fooled like that again.

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