Tired. Just tired. in Since OD is shutting down....

Today is my Friday. I couldn't be more happy. I'm just exhausted and ready for a damn break. I had my interview yesterday. It was only like a 5 minute deal and I really couldn't read him at all on how he felt about me or hiring me to be his assistant manager. That was the first time I've ever applied for a manager job. I got done with that and then hung out with my niece for awhile. My Mom was there watching her because my brother was at work and his girlfriend had an interview at the hospital. My Mom said she got a job but wasn't too open about the details and I didn't dig for information. She's either lying just to get people off her back for not working or just to buy herself more time. Either way, I could care less. It's her life and she could do whatever she wants as I don't let it affect me any more.

Work. Yep. Work. This week has actually gone by pretty fast. I'm kinda getting sick of managers always being in a bad mood and it having its affect on everyone else, including me. I get sick of going to work in a decent mood and then walking in seeing everyone grumpy and barely speaking and it making me want to clock right back out and go home. The managers are all overworked which puts them in a bad mood and then everyone else has to deal with them being jerks. I honestly think I could be happy person every day if the people around me could at least pretend to be.

I've thought about my ex's the past couple of days again. I realize that just because they aren't a part of my life doesn't mean I have to just forget about them. I think I'll always have some kind of feelings for both of them but I do know now more than ever that I'm better off without them. Both of them were very abusive people with a lot of their own mental issues that will probably never get addressed and they are going to keep treating women the exact same way they treated me. I think I just get down about both of them because I'm lonely and not finding anyone else so it gives me something to think about. Part of the problem is I have a lot of time to think at work so then my mind wanders.

Things are better for me now that I can hang out at my brother's house. I like it but I also keep in mind that it's only temporary as it's always been that way because his girlfriend is crazy. I know he wanted me to hang out with her and my niece earlier today but I don't want to be around all the time because then people get tired of each other. I don't have to be around all the time, I just like being around sometimes. I am so used to being alone and just doing my own thing that I don't want or need to be around the same people all the time.

I haven't been to the gym since Monday. I don't have time to go now but I plan to go tomorrow and probably Saturday. I'm also struggling to always eat the right things too. I do really good when I'm home since I never buy candy or soda when I go grocery shopping anymore but like last night, I ended up getting food at Taco John's when I got off work. I knew that it was wrong but it tasted soooooooooo good. I absolutely love their boneless wings. I just don't know what to do but I think I'm not going to be able to completely cut fast food out of my diet. Even though I've been eating Nutri-Grain bars at work, by the time I get off, I'm starving and don't have the time or patience to wait for food to cook.

I've been doing good without cutting soda out of my diet though. I've been drinking a lot of water everyday. I am also worried that I'm not going to get to the gym as much as I should be going. I've already noticed my weight changing on the scale and that makes me encouraged so keep doing good. I'm just not where I want to be but I'm not where I'm used to be. I can do this and I will. Sometimes I get down and don't want to try but I hate the way my body looks and feels. I'm also sick of my feet hurting all the fucking time too.

I also think about my parents and wish that they could just be normal fucking people. They just have turned into the biggest pieces of shit. My Mom never used to be such a fucking mooch but now, that's all she cares about. My Dad and her just care about people "helping" them even though they don't pay anyone back. I still think it's bullshit that they took all that money from me, never paid it back but have asked for money several times since then! It's like just because they've forgotten about me giving them that money doesn't mean I have! I used to believe it was just my duty to give them money and help them in every way I could because they are my family but they've done nothing but take advantage and empty my bank account on several occasions so it's all I can do for MYSELF to not help them anymore. They need to understand that they are the parents and they need to start acting like it. I've always done what I could to help them but it's a one way street. I can't ever rely on them because they don't help anyone unless they get paid for it.

Time for work.