When it Rains in Journal

Well, you know.
DHs gma and aunt specifically invited us to their big family dinner. They said that they miss us. Which is a little funny/ ironic bc these things have so many people at them there is never any kind of intimate conversation or connection with anyone there. You just sort of see faces blur by.
It’s DHs family so really we just talked about his feelings about it and his experience. Uhg. His experience with them is just so tragic. He tells me that they genuinely care, but when I ask how, there isn’t anything to support it. Logically, he gets it that ALL these people, every single one of them, for 3 decades, never made a point to get to know him or even find out the most basic prerequisites. Are you happy? What do you like? What are you interested in? It hurts. It really does, to acknowledge these things.
Personally, I am more annoyed that they asked us to come without asking why we haven’t been going. It’s like a shit test to see how much they really are going to have to do to get what they want.
I floated the idea of asking the gma and aunt over to our place for a more intimate dinner. That way DH can be relaxed and have zero pressure to entertain family that could care less, and perhaps feel free to explain why we haven’t gone to any dinnera this year. Or spoken to his dad. And possibly the larger statement about family values, responsibility to children, etc. I floated the idea but we both know they will not take the invite. I’m not sure why they won’t, yet. But, if he decides it’s a good idea we can definitely make it as enticing as possible.

I had a daydream just now after thinking about J’s(my mom) values. We are like Russian nesting dolls. She a perfect copy of her mother, me a perfect copy, and so on. And it might continue on except I chose different. These pleas that J sends me every so often are like baited hooks to try to reel me back in. She wants me to enable her as she enables her mother, and other evil people. She cites my pain as a reason to enable her. I can only suspect that she wishes me pain, or is cursing me with pain, because I am not in pain at all. This is pain that she caused in the past, and that I strive to heal by removing the cause; her. Yet she begs to be let back into my life- the cause of my pain which she claims she would take away for me.
To what purpose?