These me do not care at the end of the day in Journal 2022

I got my period so my week was eh.

Two of th guys I guess I talk to seem to have a thing for kidnapping. It’s very ironic to me with my brother’s parental kidnapping (I mention this in my 2018 entries but it was only for a small bit and my brother was like a toddler so he doesn’t remember it but ANYWAY) that I’d meet people into kidnapping and beating me.

Normally I’d be alarmed but right now I don’t care. I just focus on writing my essays for class, having money to make it to class and sleeping. I don’t want wanna fail school so I just need to focus on the important things.

Everyone’s obsessed with my breasts. I was very shocked by this, I always assumed I had small books. But apparently not as everyone kept commenting on them and going omg your tits made me cum shit and whatever. I’m sorry if I sound rude, but I’m too tired these days to really feel anything but apathy.

The first few days I was shocked by all of it, I was like wow um idk how to feel here and I’d lay awake thinking about my purity and how it’s all at risks everything I planned and spoke of. But then I eventually rationalized that I’m 19, most guys are gonna be like this eventually so why not have them be upfront with it instead of having my life ruined further by their manipulation and lies about caring about me and loving my wellbeing.

I don’t get turned on really, it’s all just a routine now. People really say alot about about true intentions and desires towards you when you just say yes. I could be unknowingly talking to people I thought were kind and pure intentioned when they really fantasize about beating me and fucking me while I’m half dead.

But now I’m hearing that upfront and I’m relieved. In a sad way, I know. But it’s better then countless times of being confronted with these things and feeling betrayed and used. I don’t expect anything better, do you have any idea how many guys have reached out to me asking about my dreams about journalism, how they have daughters or sisters my age, my mental health, how it was growing up poor, etc only to be like “can I please see your chest?” Way too many they all are the same at the end of the day.

So even if I find myself liking them or one or two, I know at the end most are just using me whether it be upfront or not.