Wednesday - 18.06.14 in Your Face

Things have become dull. The excitement of being able to stay home instead of working has worn off and I have become lazy.

I was awake most of the night fighting off the urge to vomit. I have a real problem with vomiting in toilets (which caused a lot of problems for me as former bulimic - plastic shopping bags were my secret weapon) and you wouldn't believe the horror that my mother and brother unleash on the toilets in this house on a daily basis. Shit smears (even above the water line, however the hell they manage that), pee on the seats, pee on the floor. You know how you cover a public toilet seat in toilet paper before you sit on it? I do that in this house.

Anyway. There was no way in hell I was going to put my face near either of the toilets, and the trash can in my room was piled high, so I threw off the covers to cool myself, rolled to my side and let my belly hang out, and talked myself out of being sick a few times. I'm not sure what had made me feel so ill, I can only assume it was the "enchilada" I had for dinner at the local club.

Today I napped all morning (for the second day in a row). I cooked dinner early and put it in the fridge. Took my shower late. I was half wanting to go out again tonight, as I really need to get out of here and away from my brother (who didn't go to work, again) and away from my mother who is just being a massive annoying weirdo at the moment. Of course, I left it all of five minutes too late, and mother arrived home and parked my car in. My enthusiasm for going out wasn't strong enough for me to get her keys, move her car, move my car out, move hers back in, take her keys back into the house .... So now I am just hiding out in my room.

I actually still feel a bit off, so I might just go to bed early.

All I can think about today is Kahlua and milk.