Breakfast. in Since OD is shutting down....

Today we did the breakfast thing at school. I was annoyed that it consisted of go-gurts, granola bars, and mini muffins. Literally no nutrition in that whatsoever. I’ve been doing really good this week at limiting sweets and we haven’t had fast food since Sunday. I won’t be buying any more snack type foods unless it’s healthy and once the capri suns are gone, I refuse to buy more. I’ve decided that she can add a water packet to a bottle of water and maybe have a small cup of milk. All of this has been going very well and I like the path we are on.

I think we are going to start with completely cutting out fast food and sugary drinks and then work on portion sizes. I let a lot of food choices be allowed over the Summer because I was so stressed out and because our AC wasn’t enough to cool off the whole house, I would be sweating bullets trying to cook. I won’t be as lenient anymore because we have to start making changes. Both of us are overweight and we have to start somewhere. I’ve also noticed that without extra sugar and fast food, her attitude and behavior has been a lot better.

I talk to my Mom yesterday and she tells me that my kid’s Dad has asked my brother if he could take her to his sister’s funeral thing, the one that died a year ago. I was instantly annoyed. I had called CS yesterday where I was informed that he had gotten hired at the construction company but never showed up! The lies are so fucking old! They also don’t have a good address for him and I told her that he wanted to take his kid but I said no because he wouldn’t give me the address to where she’d be.

He’s always seen OUR child as disposable, irrelevant, and up on a shelf. I refuse to allow my daughter to be around this person who’s never cared for her, only for what’s in it for him. I am sure he’d like to take her to an event like that where he’d get plenty of attention and possibly money because he’d tell everyone that he’s a single Dad. None of them know the truth, just his side. Then, I’m sure I’d play hell getting her back because he’s never been super honest with anything and has done what he can to hide from any kind of responsibility and because he wants to hurt me, I could see it being a fight. I get that he’s her ‘Dad’ but he’s never been one or given me any kind of a chance to trust him with her.

I’m very pissed at my brother for not noticing the patterns of crap he’s pulled and being a hypocrite by saying how we need to just not have any more contact but yet, he’s still relaying messages from the guy!! It’s like no matter what moves I make, I’m still in the wrong. I’m also very upset that he’s continued talking to him when he’s been told a million times to block him and just be done!! I messaged him yesterday repeating this to which he didn’t bother to check my message to make me feel irrelevant!

It’s just crazy how logic and the truth don’t matter with people like this! I’m just sick of being told this and that but when I go to comment on it or spread around some truth, I get flat out ignored!!! I just think that all of this is built around his selfishness and for his entertainment. It doesn’t matter how much I’ve tried to communicate, put aside my anger and hurt, raise a kid without any help at all and I’m still the problem. I’m going to be the bad guy regardless but I’ll be damned if my kid is going to be with someone who hates my guts and I don’t get to know where she is and then play hell getting her back!!

I feel like I’m just in a living nightmare. The more I try to just put all of this behind me, move on and live my life, there’s some asshole still playing both sides! I don’t want to be angry anymore and I won’t let myself be that! I accept everything as is and I wish that everyone else could accept it. I’m also tired of people saying how they stay out of shit and they ain’t about the drama but yet they are the first ones to be right smack dab in the middle of it!

Anyways, I went to the store and got food for the weekend. Plenty of fruits, applesauce cups and a good dinner. We’ve done really good this week not drinking soda, capri suns or having excessive sugar and I want to stay on this good path. I’m concerned because I don’t want her eating all weekend I’m sure we are going to have a couple tantrums when she’s told no.