Mope in Current Events

I went over to Bruce’s yesterday evening where we made vision boards together. Her girlfriend joined us after her class. It was a quaint evening. Mine turned into an art piece and not so much into a vision board. Oops. I’ll add to it.

I had a good day at work. Well, it is always a good day when I get assigned this task. I get to work alone, I get a lot of freedom, and I rock it. I always feel good after it. I got to work a little outside of my scope which was great. Nobody else would have done it. There was a problem and I had the solution. It’s nothing special.

I arrived to work in a bad mood. I am still salty that I didn’t get that full-time position, apparently. Just because of how things went down. Linda got away with everything and got to be the victim of the whole ordeal. She’s a fucking snake.

Chuck swung into the area I was working in to take down all of the plexiglass. I am smitten by him. He’s a lot older than me. He’s an Aires, it’s so obvious. His face is long, his forehead jets out a bit, and he has those eyes. He’s high energy, hot-headed, has a big personality, and is passionate about what he does. He used to work overnight and run that team and now he’s working days. I can tell that he is trying to impress everyone and win their adoration. Fire signs need a lot of attention and it’s usually worth it to give it to them. Either way, I don’t know why I am attracted to him. He stopped wearing his mask and I saw his face for the first time just a few months ago. I am the only person who would find him attractive, maybe? He’s a married man, I just have a harmless crush.

I feel like shit today though. I am just waking up from my nap. I am being hard on myself. I don’t have the energy to work out. I feel like I will never have the energy for anything ever again. That is not true. Before my nap, I was mad at the way my body looks. Who ordered me body dysmorphia? I can fix that two ways. Allow myself to feel good enough or work hard on my physique. I can absolutely do both.

My classes were supposed to start this week but they were pushed to next week. The entire second floor is a massive gym that I can use. Maybe I should just use it.

I’m also being hard on myself because I keep wasting my time with my phone. Actually, I need to restructure all of my daily habits to support what I want. I just can’t seem to get myself to start. Then I get all down on myself. This is an annoying cycle. Why can’t I just come home and drink like myself into a coma like a normal person? lol

I really had nothing to say here, I just wanted to mope.