Standards, Insanity, Budget, Baby in Journal

DH and I talked about standards and how to know when they’re irrational, or rational. It was a pretty good talk. I related how my dad destroyed my brother’s social life, claiming that no one was “good enough” to be friends with in school. So that my brother went through public school utterly alone and outcast. I felt so bad for him, even at the time, but helpless to do anything really. Our dad’s standard was irrational because he himself acted like the worst kind of father or friend to my brother, while claiming he did it because the other people weren’t good enough friends.
And DH seemed to get it. He was surprised and bemused when I first suggested that people should be judged by whether they adhere to their own standards. It’s a very simple test, but we’ve been to trained and indoctrinated to accept that “rules for thee and not for me” is legitimate as long as you have authority. DHs said is a bully because he threatens, intimidates, escalates, etc in order to stop other people from threatening, intimidating, controlling. That is irrational.
It’s interesting how people who’ve historically relied on force and violence respond to the inevitable reversal of power. Parents always end up powerless against their children; their children come into their prime while the parents wither and age. The answer to my curious question seems to be most often self pity.

I wrote in an earlier essay that insanity, or mental illness, is a result of immorality. It is a fickle thing to determine if someone genuinely cannot perceive and react appropriately to reality, or if they’re just an asshole. Most of the time it’s the latter. At least, in my experience. And I’ve had the distinct pleasure of being around a lot of diagnosed loonies.
So how do you know? Well, if the ” insane” person acts sane when it matters to them, then they are capable of accurately assessing and responding to reality.

It’s been a challenge, to say the least, to keep within our budget just the last year. I actually find myself enjoying the challenge, and finding good deals is fun. Weve parred down our expenses, used credit judiciously when it made sense, and continue to even do home improvements on our 1880s house. We’ve replaced the windows, almost all the plumbing and water heater, the furnace, and are now working on digging out more of the basement to put in new ducting. Kind of a chore for sure, but we should be able to sell it for at least double what we paid. Probably more along the lines of a 4x or 5x.
We picked up from storage a sweet lady’s 1950’s Schwinn bicycle, and I bought off marketplace a used bike trailer to tote our son around. Since we live in town it will be so nice to save money biking instead of driving everywhere.
I’ve also been making lots of things. If I ever figure out how to post pictures, I have made tons of cute stuff. Going to work on a wool blend cardigan for our son for this fall, now. Pretty excited that it will cost just the yarn instead of $100 bought new at the store. I also just got some patterns for fairy tale characters! So much fun
Thinking about what we need to order so that we don’t have to go out at all once baby is here. I think we will make a bunch of bread and freeze it, lots of lasagna and have simple stuff for DH to make. It will be November, so warm food should be nice.

Baby is, I feel like, hugging my bladder. It’s so difficult to sleep, now. I wake up approximately 72 times a night with the intense urge to pee, only for it to go away or nothing to come out if i get up and try to go. Uhg. I don’t feel like I’m that big- at least not compared to last time- and I’m not swollen or feel stretched out at all. I’m already starting to get a lot of downward pressure, too. Which, I’m not sure happened until very near the end last time. I feel like baby is already in my pelvis, lol. Which isn’t necessarily bad I guess, just comfortable at times. I didn’t get to see my midwife last month bc our son had chicken pox so we couldn’t go into the office.
I don’t feel worried at all. Which is interesting because I felt like every hiccup with the first I needed to stress and worry over. Even with the experience of that birth behind me, I don’t feel particularly like this birth will be anything like it. It makes me wonder what influences in my life could have been affecting me in that manner. And if their absence now is why I have peace of mind?