I act out because I feel stuck. in 2022

While I AM poly and speak about transparency and honesty, admittedly I miss being secretive and the other woman. I like not having to be responsible for my shit and everyone else’s shit around me.

This would be why I am chatting / sending a photo here and there to my coworker (on a different team, thankfully) that lives in a different state. Though, I did say ‘that seems like consent’ to which he replied, yes it is. At least there is that, right?!

I had a hot kink-fling with a person that I’m pretty confident was some sort of racist something or another. Man, I hated finding that shit out because I had to cut it off. Not entirely because I am a stand up gal, nope… it was more because my family was judging the fuck out of me about it. Oh no, I enjoyed restraining him and doing awful shit to him that he literally begged for.

I randomly think about past lovers and get in the feels then I get angry at dumb shit about it / them. I want to pass a ‘blame’ for my feels to one specific person — ‘You abandoned me like others in my past, you were no different’. But, logically I know that it isn’t the case. He is a selfish even though he wanted to paint the scene that he was not. In every relationship ending there is an asshole. He holds this title and we both know it, there’s no dispute there.

I am in a kink-funk at the moment. My kink partner moved back to the area and I’m not really feeling it with them at the moment. His wife is extra needy at the moment and my patience about the situation is growing thinner by the day. This is the case even though I one hundred recognize how difficult a transition into multiple-partner-life is. Like, I’ve been here for 8 years already.

The bestie moves back to the area in September / October. Now either I’m going to corrupt her with my going-out-socialness-shenanigans or I’m going to not date / kink much at all because I’ll be busy doing friendship shit like movies and such. Anyone interested in taking bets on which will win out?

Anyway, I don’t know how much I’ll be around. But I’m not dead yet, so there’s that.