Song Lyrics: She Looks So Perfect in Thoughts On...

I recently rejoined the world of satellite radio and all I hear is Five Seconds of Summer’s She Looks So Perfect and Katy Perry’s Birthday. When I was young I never paid attention to the lyrics. I just learned them and that was that. But now, older and a much better listener I find myself catching certain lyrics and scratching my head. I decided to dissect 5SOS’s She Looks So Perfect…

Simmer down, simmer down They say we're too young now to amount to anything else But look around We work too damn hard for this just to give it up now If you don't swim, you'll drown But don't move, honey

Uh, show me a young person who really works “too damn hard”. Have you seen the Facebook posts of late? 88% of them cannot spell properly, so I am not too sure what they are working hard at.

You look so perfect standing there In my American Apparel underwear First, are they dirty underwear? Because that is gross. Second, where is that person’s underwear? Third, did American Apparel sponsor this song? Because I am willing to bet their underwear sales skyrocketed. If I have learned one thing, young female fans are nutballs and totally stalkerish.

And I know now, that I'm so down Your lipstick stain is a work of art I got your name tattooed in an arrow heart NEVER, EVER get someone’s name or face tattooed on your body. It is my number one piece of advice. I am sure Tom Arnold can attest to that. Also, is this dude down like “down with the flow” or down like Eeyore? There is a huge difference. And if is the latter is it because someone stole his underwear or because he got that name tattooed in an arrow heart?

And I know now, that I'm so down (hey!)

Let's get out, let's get out 'Cause this deadbeat town's only here just to keep us down Can’t be too much of a deadbeat town if you got yourself some American Apparel right?

While I was out, I found myself alone just thinking If I showed up with a plane ticket And a shiny diamond ring with your name on it Would you wanna run away too? 'Cause all I really want is you Holy crap dude. Slow down. A diamond ring? A tattoo and shared underwear is one thing, but a diamond ring and a plane ticket are crazy. Leads me to believe this guy needs to be on antidepressants ASAP.

I made a mixtape straight out of '94 I've got your ripped skinny jeans lying on the floor And I know now, that I'm so down

Now, as of yesterday, I do know that you can get cassette tapes and a generic recorder, but I don’t think you can still make a mixtape like we did back in ’94. And really? These kids weren’t even zygotes in 94, let alone know what a mixtape from then would be like.

Ripped skinny jeans lying on the floor? That sounds a bit rapey to me. Definitely not something I would want my teenage daughter aspiring to have happen. Nor would I want her to being just standing around in some dude’s underwear.

Now I made the mistake of watching the video for this song. It was utterly confusing and there were a lot of older people in their underwear, including a mom in the frozen food section of a grocery store, a chubby couple in a diner, a police officer complete with a tool belt, whose underwear definitely was not American Apparel. It was really creepy. Also, why did I think there were five dudes instead of three?

I know this song has to be a hit with the young girls out there. Young girls are stupid. Look at all the Beliebers if you don’t believe me. Thankfully they are still young enough to not really understand these lyrics other than to run out and get some American Apparel underwear and I am willing to be $20 that they got some dude underwear to hang out in listening to this album. Also, they probably paid upwards of $75 for some ripped skinny jeans.

Overall it is a catchy tune, although it does sort of make me want to floss my ears with barbed wire I have heard it so much, but in the end it is a bit to pervy for young girls and boys. And by young I mean anyone under 40 (since I fall into that “box”).

Also, did they find the most anorexic bunch of people ever to pose for AA underwear shots? I sort of want to send all of them a McDonald's gift card.