My weekend is coming to an end. in Since OD is shutting down....

I work in a few hours. I hung out at home most of the day yesterday, slept and then went to my brother's house about 8:30. It was thunder storming outside so we went for a drive, got ice cream at Walmart and then watched a scary movie. I got to bed about 1 am. I've been up for awhile now. I've showered and ate breakfast. My boss texted back about my paycheck and she's going to write one for me and I gotta go get it tomorrow. She said she would even buy me lunch which is nice. I'm hoping that when I get there tomorrow, I can maybe talk to her about some shit that's been going on and see if they would let me transfer to the other store. I'm just tired of the tension between me and that girl and I feel like it's making everyone a little uncomfortable. I really don't want it to be this way but I'm pissed about the way she's treated me and I can't just let it go.

My problem is I'm made out to be the bad guy in every situation regardless of what other people do or say to me. I'm just over it. Part of my problem with work is I'm tired of seeing the same fucking people everyday. I'm sick of dealing with people who steal, are rude and do whatever the fuck they want. I just keep in mind that I do have my interview on Wednesday and I'm really hoping that goes well. I may even see about working at the hospital. I really want a job where I help people or animals. I wanna do something that means something.

Yeah so it's Father's Day. Oh fucking joy. I'm glad because my brother had my niece and I would like to see her before work. She's just the cutest kid ever and I can't believe I get to be related to her. She is truly the center of my world and I don't know where I'd be without her. Whenever I get really down, I think about her and just smile. She loves me so much and I love her just as much, even more. I can't believe she's already 3, smart as a whip and just the cutest little girl.

I don't plan to call or text my Dad today. Honestly, I never do for Father's Day. I don't feel like he deserves it. I think my brother might call him or go to their house but I'm not. I just wish my Dad could have actually been a Dad but he's just so selfish and is the reason why our family isn't as close as we all could be. I also get annoyed that they never have any plans on holidays or birthdays because they never have any money.

Anyways, I have a couple hours before work. I can't seem to get ahold of my brother and see what he's got going on. I guess he's eating and will call me back later. It's like as much as I love my niece, I try to not get too attached because my right to see her can be revoked at any time because her Mom is a fucking bitch. I still have to be nice to her and that just pisses me off. That girl has said shit to me that I will never forgive but I have to put up with her to see her kid. Life is so fucking unfair sometimes.

My ex is still on my brain. I miss him. I think about what we could have had. It kills me that he'll never be mine. I wanted him to be my husband, to be the father of our children. I can't even think about finding someone else to take his place. I don't know why he was so special but he was. I still think about some of the things he said to me when we first got together and still get teary eyed. I just wish I could understand why he hurt me like he did and why and why he still doesn't want me. I know that if I found someone else, I would forget about him but I can't seem to find someone new. All of this is so frustrating and painful. It kills me to know that he's trying to find someone instead of trying to work things out with me. What a fucking asshole. I also get sick of him acting so innocent and always saying shit about us keeping in touch as "friends" and I know he says that because it hits a nerve. He knows it hurts and that's why he does it. He just loves to hurt me and he always did. It's a sick game to him and that's why I'm glad I let him know I can't be his friend or his fuck buddy and told him to take care.

It's like as much as I miss him, I think about all the bullshit our "relationship" really was. He never cared about seeing me unless he wanted to get laid, it didn't bother him that I was the only one who made any effort and I treated him way better than he treated me. I knew I was wasting my time but I wouldn't let myself give up. I can't help but think how different my life is now than where it was this time last year and I thank God everyday I'm not where I used to be.

Oh and another issue is my Mother always getting ahold of me because she needs something. She called me on Thursday when I was at work waiting to clock in needing to know where a certain street was. I tell her that I'm not in the mood for it and for her to stop contacting me because she needs stuff. I even texted it to her. Well, just a few minutes ago she sent a text asking me if my brother was home. Are you fucking serious?! Like what the fuck is wrong with her?! Is she just fucking stupid or just can't get it through her thick head that I refuse to help her at all?! I really wish my parents would go the fuck away and stop trying to contact me. I honestly could care less to have anything more to do with them. Oh and she also likes to do this thing where she'll call, we'll visit and then as soon as we hang up, she'll text me asking for stuff. Then, if I call back and get super pissed, she acts all innocent like she doesn't understand why I'm getting so mad! It's like hello, I gave you $1,300 that made no effort to pay back and yet you are still asking for help of some sort! Get a fucking life!

It's just crazy how people can just drive you to your fucking breaking point AND sit back and play the victim! I understand that my parents are going through a hard time but at some point I wish they would grow up and be adults! I'm so tired of being surrounded by toxic people! It just brings me down and makes me super depressed, even more than I already am! I'm sorry that my parents live like that but no one can change it but them.

I'm not excited about going to work because my neck is killing me and I'm really hoping that girl doesn't work tonight. I don't care to look at her and her ugly pink hair. I dread going to work these days especially when things are tense. I'm sick of all those people but that girl, even the sight of her vehicle irritates the shit out me. I don't know how things ended up this way but I don't care enough to try and fix it. I was the one that stuck my neck out there the last time we got mad at each other and I'm not doing it again.

Time to go to work. Oh lucky me.