Car problems in Since OD is shutting down....

So my car is going to sit broke down until the 31st when I tow it somewhere. I can’t afford the $600 that every mechanic wants to fix it so I’m going to go the cheaper route where I only have to pay for the parts. I’m going to send back the one I have because they won’t deal with a 3rd party stuff. I was gonna have my main mechanic fix it on Monday but people have not spoke highly of him and have had a lot of problems with his work and prices. I don’t want to risk not having it fixed properly, pay out the ass, and it could still break down because they didn’t fix it properly. I’m not thrilled knowing it’s going to sit for another 17 days until I have it towed to the other place but there’s not much else I can do.

I’m planning on going out tonight. It doesn’t sound like my little brother plans to go which I’m overly excited about because he doesn’t like to go anywhere and I could imagine getting there and him deciding within 10 minutes that we are leaving. I am only going to have a sitter for this one night and I’m not going to let someone else ruin that for me nor do I feel like babysitting. I definitely don’t want to go by myself because I could run into BD and I know that would be super uncomfortable but I’m just going to hope that I don’t see him. I have every right to be there just like he does.

My little brother is very lonely and depressed but he doesn’t ever want to try to change it either. Anytime we go to their house, he’s texting my Mom asking when I’m going to leave. He sits in his room the whole time so I don’t know how the fuck it affects him that I’m even there!!! The problem is all he’s ever been shown is aggression and control so that’s how he’s learned to be. Even my Dad said yesterday that he’s like this because of his brain injury. No, he’s like this because you guys failed at giving him any kind of a fucking life!! Both of my parents will go to their death bed not taking accountability for failing him.

I knew the way that they raised him was bullshit but now that I have a child of my own, I couldn’t imagine her spending her entire existence sitting in the house watching TV. My little brother didn’t ever have friends, they never took him to do anything fun and there was nothing to look forward to. My little brother was completely out of control partly because they didn’t discipline him and out of sheer boredom. He’s still very crazy and mean. Scary to be around. The smallest thing could set him off.

Unlike my older brother, I feel sorry for him. I don’t know how to help him. I’ve made suggestions like maybe volunteering, getting into a class, or finding interests but he doesn’t want to do anything but play video games and sit around bitching that he’s bored. I wish there was something I could do but until he’s ready to get off the couch and make changes, this is going to be his life.

I also think it’s bullshit that my parents know he’s very depressed and they don’t bother trying to help. I think it would be beneficial for him to start going to counseling but that will never happen either. My dad has filled his head with all kinds of crap about counselors that my little brother has a really shitty opinion.

I’ve done a lot of thinking in the past few days on how much my life has been affected by selfish controlling people and I’m sick of it. I can’t stand overly controlling selfish assholes anymore. I haven’t gotten to do anything in months because my kid’s Dad is selfish and refuses to be a Dad and my Mom doesn’t babysit because it may upset my Dad. He’s never cared how I would like a break and mentally NEED IT! It’s like he’s asked me to talk my little brother into coming with me tonight but I’m sure he’s told him plenty of reasons for him to not go. My Dad is really manipulative and selfish.

My daughter’s open house is on his birthday and he’s already not into my Mom coming with us even though it’s for about an hour. I have to go because I gotta get her signed up for the after school program but I’m sure he’ll do everything within his power to make sure she doesn’t go. My God, she’s at home 24/7 and that STILL ISN’T ENOUGH! I just don’t get how you could justify being this selfish!!