People disgust me. in Since OD is shutting down....

Anyways so the family friend that was supposed to fix my car has bailed. I guess my Dad talked to him yesterday and reminded him that he was paid for both cars and he needs to own up to his end. I called him today and he didn’t answer so I sent a text asking if he would be by before Monday to fix it as my landlord is looking to tow it. He wrote back stating that he had to work so clearly he’s not going to fix it.

Thankfully, I made an appointment with my mechanic to tow it over there on Monday and have them do it. I asked if they will use the part that I already bought and they said they would. I’m not happy that it’s sad broke down for 3 weeks now and I’ve had the part for 1 week but at least it’s going to get handled on Monday. I’m not thrilled because it’s going to cost more but I need the car fixed before my landlord really does try and tow it. I live in a place where they are really anal about parking and don’t have tolerance for broke down cars so time is of the essence.

I’m just going to be glad to get it fixed and feel whole again. I’m always a wreck when I have a car break and I’m just miserable until it’s up and running. I hate worrying about the expense and how much time is gonna go by without a running car.

One thing I’ve learned about life is that if people are gonna do it, they’re gonna do it and if not, you need to make other arrangements. It’s just exhausting always having a main plan but then lining up at least half a dozen back up plans. It’s just irritating that people can’t ever do what they say they are gonna do! I’m just glad my Dad isn’t out much money and that I was diligent enough to know to schedule an appointment. Unfortunately, I can’t just sit around until Doomsday for someone to decide to fix my damn car!

This has been the hardest few months of my life and I’m going to be so happy to put it behind me. I know that you gotta go through hell to get to heaven but I’m just seriously so tired. I have always been very self sufficient and it absolutely kills me to ever ask for help because anytime I do, it just becomes miserably complicated!

School starts in 19 days. I’m really excited for my daughter. I know she’s going to have a lot of fun. I’m more worried about myself though. I know that I’ll have the freedom to start doing a little bit more of my own thing but I just worry about being lonely. I really don’t have friends here and my Mom isn’t trying to ever come over and just hang out. It’s just crazy that I know a lot of people but it’s just so hard to try and find people that wanna hang out.

I’m just really hoping that I get my break from my daughter tomorrow night like I was promised. She is just too much sometimes. I can’t handle the outbursts of anger and how there’s never a bedtime until I finally just make the house dark and take her phone away. Like right now she’s in the livingroom pissed off because something isn’t going her way. I’m just so frustrated that I deal with this by myself every day. There’s really no one to turn to.

Next Summer there will be childcare. I’m going to make it my goal to find a safe, affordable sitter so I can plan to go out even once a month. I know that I need my own time. I want to be able to think. All I do is clean, take her to do stuff, and listen to the constant tantrums. It’s not any easier for her that we are home so much and there’s really no one to hang out with. It’s been just her and I all Summer with the exception of my Mom being around the bare minimum.