Blank Page in Background Noise

“You are the ways of my mistakes
I catch the rainfall
Through the leaking roof
That you had left behind
You remind me
Of that leak in my soul…”

It is strange how music can put you right back into the headspace where you were when you first heard it.

I first heard this song while on my cruise in 1999 on the USS constellation. I obsessively worked out. Sometimes as long as two hours a day on the treadmill.

And the whole time I listen to CDs. Anyone remember what those were?
We left San Diego in June of 1999. I had separated from my first wife the previous December.

When we filed for divorce at the beginning of June we had to enter into the court record our date of separation.

Our actual date of separation would be Christmas eve of 1998. We both agreed that admitting to a separation on Christmas Eve would kind of suck forever, so we agreed on the 1st of December 1998.

By this time we had already been living apart. We had a house in base housing in Tierrasanta, but I mostly lived on the boat.

The immediate plan was that she was going to stay in San Diego with the children. I knew that after the ‘99 cruise I would be going back to Washington. My community was based in Oak Harbor Washington and I was heading into my department head phase. So it was inevitable that I would be going back to Washington. She had no interest in going back to Washington. She was perfectly happy stay in San Diego.

And we were mutually sure that we didn’t want to keep the marriage going.
So we did the paperwork, ran it through the JAG. Then filed it with the Family Court in San Diego.

The last week before I deployed, and as near as I can recall this was about the middle of June of 1999, I took my children to stay with me at the Navy Lodge on North Island. A very nice facility I must mention. Right on the beach. And we spent a couple of days hanging out and swimming. And eating way too much pizza before

I finally took them back to the house in Tierrasanta.
Then I went to the boat, and the next day we were at sea. It was a good cruise, a good experience.

“But there I was picking pieces up
You are a ghost
Of my indecision
No more little girl.”