Working on being happy in My life

Well yesterday I was wallowing and cranky at him and ended up crying in his arms to sleep. I have a saint for a husband and I am the absolute idiot for not appreciating that. His energy will drain at some point.

But really, crying and being comforted by him feel SO GOOD. I don’t know. I’m addicted to that feeling I think.

But I’m sure it makes him feel bad so I shouldn’t abuse it.

Whatever, tonight, I’ve just had it. This whole process is so demoralizing. I don’t want to care. I. JUST. DON’T. WANT. TO. CARE. ANYMORE. Everything is just fucking stupid. I ran out of tears to cry. I don’t know what I’m going to do anymore. I’ve just had it. I know that by not doing anything I’m just making things worse, but I can’t bring myself to do anything anymore. No more. I’m so done.

Why do I hope for a miracle? It’s not going to come.