Airing Out in Current Events

I received a written verbal warning at work today. I hit my head too many times within a short span of time. We were recently told to report every little incident, which I wouldn’t have if I knew it could lead to a discipline notice. I’m trying not to be salty about it. I understand the optics. I look careless. I am trying not to spiral and turn this into anything. All of my Scorpio aspects are triggered.

Toni met Bob’s girlfriend over the weekend. The backstory is that Bob was her bff with benefits. He found somebody that he wanted a relationship with and that is when Toni went south. Last week she found out that they plan on moving in together and she spiraled.

She says that it went okay. That she is fine. I can tell that she is not. She is hating on Erna, Bob’s girlfriend. She doesn’t understand what Bob sees in Erna.

What does Toni have to offer someone in a relationship? That is the question she should ask herself. She has nothing to offer just everything to take. This is a codependent woman with emotional incontinence who self-medicates. Codependent people are parasitic and that works for some people. Those who want to feel needed. Not my cup of tea. I know Bob is also a Capricorn and likely feels the same way.

What do I have to offer? That is not a relevant question because I do not want to want to be in a romantic relationship. This weirds people out. It’s not normal, it’s not natural, it’s not conventional to them. Expanding into a relationship is just not my journey. I’m open to it but not right now if ever. I removed that stress and pressure a long time ago.

My free-play winning streak ended yesterday. The lottery ticket I mean. I still keep seeing 777 everywhere. When I pulled up to the grocery store and dug out my lottery ticket to check at the kiosk inside I noticed that the car in front of me had a license plate that ended with 777. So whatever is coming probably isn’t money. Shucks. However, on Saturday, I told myself that I don’t deserve it. It was a hot day and when I was filling up my gas there was a homeless man sitting outside the building. He passed out and we could all see it and I just assumed that the kids working at the petro would call somebody. That was poor form on my part. It haunted me all day that I did nothing. The thought that he may require medical attention did not occur to me until after I left. Panhandlers and homeless people are everywhere in my city. We are desensitized.

I’m very exhausted and I want to nap. I am killing time until I head out to get my haircut. I wanted to grow it out but I hit a breaking point. I have anxiety about it because I hate pretending to leave happy. However, the first time my hairdresser cut my hair she nailed it. The second time was surprised. I didn’t know she was going to cut it after we dyed it. She just went for it without any instruction.

I started a marathon for Avatar, the last Airbender again. I’ve just been craving. I’m not into cartoons but this one is special. I laugh, I cry. It’s just good. Tomorrow I head to my sister’s to cook some vegan recipes she found. After her kids go to bed we are starting a Lord of the Rings marathon. We have been craving it. It’s available on Prime now which we should have seen coming. They have a prequel coming out. That reminds me, the spin-off situation with Game of Thrones started. I am not going to rush into it. I can’t forgive how they ended the series.

Anyway, I guess it is time I start to get myself together. I feel better after venting. The wine helped. Whatever.