The little lovely things in through the looking glass.

I am more settled and at peace than I have been for quite some time. I don’t really know what it is, but I find myself noticing all these little, lovely things in my world again, and I just know. I’m still at my job, still not enjoying it, still (frustratingly, unsuccessfully) looking for something else, still juggling a constant drumbeat of doctor’s appointments and childcare disruptions. And yet.

My son was about the age my daughter is now when I started feeling settled again too. I didn’t trust it would happen this time around because, well, now there’s two of them, but here we are. I’m grateful, though I wish I could have been more patient with myself, more in the moment, more willing to accept the ever-so-temporary limitations up to this point.

So what have I noticed? I tell myself to remember but so much of it slips away.

My daughter’s big eyes, bright smile, happy squeals as all three of us lay our hands on her body and say the Shema before bedtime.

My son stretching to flip off the bedroom light switch as we put his sister in her bed, a responsibility he’s wordlessly taken on himself.

My son carefully selecting flowers from among the weeds growing through the fencing on the empty lot next to our house.

My daughter beaming at the opening page of her favorite book, looking up at me as she anticipates the next sing-song words.

Evening walks with the two of them, my son bounding ahead on his bike, my daughter in the stroller quietly taking everything in.

From my office window, the shouts of children playing in the fountains across the street.

Last updated July 28, 2022