I dont want to stay awake in Journal 2022

Im trying to not do what he said but i can’t because now I just feel bad about myself. I woke up feeling bad and I cried alot and I’m still crying.

I just don’t wanna leave the house today. I just washed my hair but I felt sick and dizzy the entire time. I feel unwanted.

I’m gonna turn on a court show or something to distract myself as I finish my hair but I feel like garbage. Gutter dirt.

And I get this is the problem but u can’t not not feel bad from that. I can’t.

I don’t wanna upload on YouTube or write a new chapter of my book now either. I don’t want to do anything but lay in bed and cry! I feel like, I feel like he’s just I don’t even know what to say as it’ll come out wrong and everyone’s going to just yell at me again.

I’m not eating because then I’ll get fat from the stress and my figure is ALREADY MESSED UP. Im just ugly and unattractive right now and I want to keep clawing at myself but I can’t as I’m going to bleed.

I just want to not remember it but I can’t it hurt me really deeply.