Air in Current Events

I’m really fighting with my mind today. It’s 4 in the morning! I get up this early for work. Anyway, I found a 5 piece patio set that is perfect for our balcony. I couldn’t get Toni to support me in picking it up yesterday and I am trying to not to feel so jaded about it. It can literally wait for this weekend. It’s on clearance so it feels urgent but it’s not. She’s at least offering to pay for half of it. I didn’t expect her to offer that.

My mind is salty because when was the last time she supported me with anything? She is my roommate by the way. In case we didn’t know. I do it all and supply it all and she does nothing but wallow, self-medicate and eat. This is going to be okay! I can even find someone else to help. She has stepped up with the cooking which is great. We have been getting along great so I don’t want to ruin it by being a big baby.

I did my longest fast this weekend. 40 hours. If I didn’t have a shift on Monday I would have done 48. My appetite drops dead after 24 hours, in a way. People don’t understand why I do it but there are so many health benefits. I want to access my ketones. I want my body to recycle and repair broken proteins. I want stem cells to activate etc.

I have been dreaming ever since I hung up my dream catcher. Coincidence? I don’t know. The night I went to bed while fasting I had an encounter with what people call a “sleep paralysis demon.” Sleep paralysis is when your body paralyzes itself before you enter REM sleep (Rapid Eye Movement). It does this so we don’t act out our dreams. The experience of sleep paralysis is pretty common. Feels as though something heavy is sitting on your chest and it feels as though something is in the room with you, some people see it and hear it. I do not. My experience is a little different. This time I woke up into this sleep paralysis. I was half dreaming and right at the corner of my eye was a tall, lean, blurry face man that was impersonating my dream. So to speak. Then it was there when I “woke up.” I gave my head a shake and it was gone. It was disturbing but I understood so I wasn’t terrified.

I’ve been battling my “procrastination” and losing. I have a fire under my ass at least. I got everything started, I just seem to be avoiding the parts where I need to interact with other people lol. Social anxiety, that’s where this fits in. I can see that now and it’s so obvious and annoying. I will win!

Speaking of being a loser. I still haven’t faced my hairline. I don’t know what the damage is. Am I even balding? Is it just a mature hairline? I have been using DMSO, it’s hard to say if it is effective. My hair is platinum right now and my roots are over an inch long so it’s more obvious to see that I have new hair filling in. From the areas I’m willing to look at lol.

Anyway, I feel better airing out my internal battle with my old friends vindictiveness and spite. I have a lot of Scorpio in my chart.

Anyway, I have a lot to do today. I gotta get ready for my shift.