The Survey in The Secret Writings of Eros: Book 3- Fallout, Pain, Acceptance, and Perseverance

Honestly, couldn’t remember if I’d done this survey (or one like it) since my brief but appreciated exchanges with women who, at least on some level, actually enjoyed sex. So, let’s see if my answers get to be wildly different from prior to 2020.

Have you ever used a sex toy in bed?
Yes, but only on the female participant. I have been present as it was being used by the person on the person and have been involved in its use on another person.

When is the last time you’ve masturbated?
Frankly, this answer would have been quite different at this time of day yesterday but the truth is: within the last 24 hours.

If you could only have one type of sex for the rest of your life, what would you choose: oral, anal or regular?
Well, this is something that has changed but not significantly enough. I’ve never attempted nor had any form of anal sex. But I did receive oral sex within the last 4 years, which was a happy change. But as was true of all of my sexual experiences in the last 28 months- no orgasm for Yours Truly. So, I would default to regular sex.

Hair down there or all bare?
I have… gone all sorts of around on this position. As to my partner? I was mad for a woman who had a wild extreme untamed bush. It was not a turn off. I was married to a woman who kept it ‘managed’ but not ‘groomed’. And then my last two sexual partners were “bare all the way.” Visually and for most forms of play, I truly do not have a preference. BUT as only my last two sexual partners allowed me to perform oral on them; I would default to that (to bare) simply as it provided the best (only) oral encounters. As to myself? I have attempted to go bare (shaving the testicles themselves can be tricky) and prefer a trimmed, managed, groomed Boy Bush be presented.

What’s your favorite position?
My favorite position, my true favorite position has still never changed. I adore cowgirl. The ability to feel their weight on me, to see their face/their breasts, to have access to their legs and breasts… and above all, it works as much needed reinforcement of consent for me. Woman on top, riding away? That’s a woman, at least it is more likely to be a woman, that has consented to this activity. It shouldn’t be a surprise, but through the 2010s, the idea of ” freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific consent” mixed with “a genuine physical and/or emotional desire” to perform a sex act with me has become exceedingly important and (as ever) a bit of a turn on.
Conversely, when I’m in better shape (a place I hope to return to over the next 15 months)… I do like a bit of the old standing doggy where I can grab my partner’s hips and just piston hard for a bit. There is a nice mix of pleasure and power in that move.

Do you prefer your partner wearing makeup or none at all?
Especially as to the sex itself, it really doesn’t matter. Almost assuredly a left over from my ex-marriage, however, if you constantly rag on your appearance while refusing to even so much as attempt make up… that’s an issue. I’ve never met someone whom, after the expert application of make up, did not appreciate how they looked for at least a moment. It’s the same thing as clothes and fashion. If you refuse to wear something that looks good on you and constantly upbraid your appearance… connect those two ideas. OOF… going into a darker but emotional place here so… hang on!
My ex-wife could slap a bit of eyeliner and lipstick on and look like a million bucks. It took 3 minutes. My ex-wife had three dozen outfits that she could throw on and look like a million bucks. It took making sure laundry had been done that month. But, of course, as soon as we got married- almost all of that went away. Even on Date Nights where I would dress up and plan something special… she’d throw on a t-shirt, dirty jeans, and no make up. Something, I should note, which changed IMMEDIATELY after the separation. There, she was back to make up and nice outfits for her dates. BUT I go down this pathway because I’m not saying “Make Up Is Mandatory.”
My sexual partner after my wife is an excellent example of this. I adored her face without makeup. She didn’t need it. Typically, when she wore it, she still looked good but… it was a “I’m trying to be sultry” look when, frankly, a woman sexually coming onto me and describing the things she described? You didn’t need to try any harder than that!!! Fuck sake, before we were even sexually intimate, without the added makeup, she showed up to my place in a very sexy outfit that got me instantly hard, then brought herself to squirting orgasm after squirting orgasm until I was very likely to break the zipper of my jeans! SO I go down that pathway to demonstrate “Make Up Is Mandatory” is wrong and “Never Make Up” is wrong.
Thus, as with (so frustratingly) too many damned things my last sexual partner is/was a beautiful mix of the two previous women. Make Up… sometimes. Make Up- but not too heavy. The make up isn’t the message, it simply underscores the message. And obviously, I was very much a fan.

Do you sleep in pajamas, underwear or nothing at all?
This holiday weekend, I have done all of the above. My preference is entirely naked, a practice I picked up from a woman I was interested in (nothing happened) who swore by the practice for self esteem. However, if I have to wake up to let the dog out, I’ll often throw on a pair of underwear, let the pooch out, and sleep the remainder in the underwear. Then, of course, I had guests this weekend and while not always and not even consistently I do tend to wear pajamas when I have guests sleeping the night. Or, to be specific, I tend to wear pajamas when I have guests I am not sleeping with sleep the night. A distinction that truly was unnecessary but I do hope to have guests I am sleeping with sleep the night again… at some point… some day… possibly… I hope.

If you could only ever sleep with one celebrity, who would you choose?
Very much like asking me what my favorite movie is, when cornered on the subject I am very much at a loss for ideas. So many ways to choose, so many reasons. I suppose it may be silly or “base” but at present I would likely still say Kloe Kane aka Charlie E. Either her or Maria Ozawa.

Have you ever felt jealous when you saw your partner talking to another member of your gender?
Ever?! Of course I have! Tends to happen after one is cheated on. What really threw me was when I was cheated on by my partner and someone of her gender. But, like a manipulative sociopath, she convinced me quite thoroughly that being upset with her for such an act meant I hated non-straight people and was trying to control her life. That was… a very unpleasant relationship in a lot of ways. With my last two partners, of course, it was all ever so much more complicated. I wasn’t jealous of the talking with others (as I had signed on pre-warned of the Poly nature)… until certain things started to happen. As one of the men involved started acting more possessive, more protective… my own jealousy didn’t rise but my guard would certainly go up as she and he spoke. And then when I was all but entirely removed around the exact time she started speaking to a new guy “with more sexual experience and kink mastery”? Oh yes. I’ll admit my jealousy came out. But I still don’t necessarily consider it “jealousy” the way jealousy is so often discussed. This was not a feeling of “someone coming for what is mine”… this was a feeling of “I’m being removed and replaced and I don’t like it.”

Would you be angry if you saw your partner making out with a really hot member of his/her gender?
An incredibly important statement for almost all things is CONTEXT IS KEY. If my partner were a fellow actor and it was part of the script- hell no. If we were in an exclusive committed relationship, and I saw her making out with someone at the bar… she’d better have a damned good explanation. If we had discussed trying for an FFM or if she had admitted feelings of homosexuality or bisexuality that she wanted to explore- that would be different. Context is key.

Of all the things you’ve done in the bedroom, what’s your favourite?
Personally, on emotional levels I shouldn’t be using for a survey like this, I find that I’m rather saddened that the answer does not (could not) come from any time with my committed partner. No, it would come from my last sexual partner. The “service top” element of bringing her to shuddering orgasm after shuddering orgasm involving paddles, restraints, my hands, my mouth, and my phallus? That… that is my favorite. That is something that I would have enjoyed doing ever so much more of.

Have you ever woke up beside someone you regretted sleeping with?
I have regretted relationships and I have regretted moments; but I have never had sex with someone and woken up regretting it the next day. CLOSEST to this was after the Separation had been agreed to but my ex-wife had not moved out yet, we would (rarely) have a sexual encounter. But again- that wasn’t so much regret exactly. Aaaand was rather counter-productive for her. Instead of showing me that she could be sexual, it acted as a reminder that sex was “a last ditch effort to get what she wanted” and really hadn’t been an expression of love, attraction, or even just as a fun thing to do.

What’s more important…chest or butt?
I never appreciated a good ass until recently. But similarly, a chest isn’t so much as “the important thing” either. Itty Bitty Titty Committee certainly has my support! Tig Ol’ Bitties certainly have my support. It sounds like a creepy sex pervert thing to say but ultimately… the most important element is- sensitivity and enjoyment. I was mad for a woman who hated her small breasts but her nipples were so sensitive that I’m certain, had I been allowed to try, I could have had her orgasm from nipple play alone. That’s hot.

If you could choose between your partner being slightly overweight or slightly underweight, what would you choose?
While there are those out there that may attempt to argue this, I know my own mind and I am truly okay with both. BUT even more than just these two limited “body types”. As there are people out there of “rail skinny” or “too cut” or “too muscular” or “too fat” or TOO anything. And again, while (for reasons I cannot understand) people enjoy accusing me of things without knowing me.... YES I do find women in all the various categories attractive. And that’s part of why attraction has fascinated me for so long. Because it isn’t “I like this WIDE RANGE THAT FITS INTO THIS SPECIFIC DEFINITION”… I’m the other way. I’m the “I think this specific person is attractive. And this person. Yes, they don’t have anything in common I just… I find them attractive.”

Have you ever woken the neighbors because you were so loud in the bedroom?
No. My ex-wife did have some vocal things but mostly just loud, low pitch grunts and shouts as she came. The sexual partner after her was delightfully vocal but there was never a risk of neighbors or interruption. And, again not surprisingly, my last partner’s vocals were just fucking perfect… the most brilliant blend between glorious words desperately breathed in a aroused desperation and the triumphant screams and howls of a forceful orgasm.

Have you read 50 shades of grey? If so, did it turn you on?
No, I’ve not read the books nor seen the movies. The BDSM community had actively labeled it a “Target Book” in that it might introduce a lot of people to the lifestyle but it did so in such a way that it was not proper, considered, respectful, or protective of the lifestyle.

Have you ever had sex in public?
No, though I do believe the woman I dated my senior year of High School was trying to groom me for such an action. And while with her I would never have consented to the act, I do admit- with the right partner, I would certainly be interested in it.

Do you like it when your partner is the dominant one in bed or do you prefer leading things?
I still claim that I am a bit of a “switch” enjoying a dominant partner and enjoying being the dominant one. But ultimately, at the end of the day… my preferences are for me to demand the woman tell me what she wants, and I give it to her… if she asks, begs, or convinces me to. Which is pretty fucking dominant energy.

Have you ever had anal sex? How did it go?
I say, I’ve already answered this question in the negative. I’ve never been too desperately interested but I’ll admit, if my partner wanted to try it, I certainly wouldn’t say no.

When is the last time you went to a strip club?
As in actually went to a strip club that would be at my brother’s bachelor party which I think would be… 17 years ago (round there). There is a gentleman’s club down the street from the theater, though, so while I’ve not gone in… I’ve been in the general area, lol. AND as a prosecutor, I get to watch a lot of video footage from just outside of strip clubs. What with violence and vandalism and public drunkenness.

Do you think you could give your partner an orgasm by only touching her breasts and kissing her?
As previously indicated, there was one person I think I could have done that with. It was certainly NOT true with any of my actual sexual partners, though.

Do your partner’s feet turn you on?
No, but things like this tend to get me into trouble. Because I like footwear. Not in a sexual fetish way and not in a “let me lick your feet” kind of way. I sold shoes for 4 years. I know about various footwear positives and negatives. And a woman who can make a particular shoe look good (or vice versa) is worth acknowledging. I do have a fetish-level interest in legs, however, and tights/stockings/etc… so, again people think I have a thing with feet because apparently… being “all about the thighs” seems weird to people?

AND BECAUSE AFTER ALL THAT SEXY TALK A STRANGE, COMEDIC, EMOTIONAL THING IS WARRANTED: